The #1 Question To Ask In Early Dating | Matt Monday
Love Life With Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
4.7 • 3.1K Ratings
🗓️ 27 April 2026
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
A viewer recently asked me: Is there a way to spot an avoidant before you fall in love with them?
The truth is, early avoidant behavior can quietly trigger a sense of unworthiness, making us feel like we have to win someone over. Sometimes, what feels like “falling” for someone isn’t about how right they are for us, but how uncertain we’ve started to feel around them.
In this episode, I break down how to recognize avoidant patterns before you get too invested and why it’s not always as simple as it sounds. You’ll learn the key signs to watch for, but more importantly, I’ll share the deeper question you should be asking yourself in early dating. It's a question that puts you back in control and helps you navigate modern dating with clarity and confidence.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Ah, the sweet delight of first dating someone, the butterflies. |
| 0:10.0 | Oh, hi. |
| 0:12.0 | The Antissa. |
| 0:15.0 | Patient. The flirting. |
| 0:18.0 | It's just like the movies. |
| 0:22.6 | Until it all goes away. |
| 0:29.7 | It leaves you wondering how to spot an avoidant before you fall in love with them. |
| 0:31.7 | A quick word on avoidance before we start. |
| 0:38.3 | The difference between avoidance and the anxiously attached is how they deal with their fear of closeness. The anxiously attached hold on tight, avoidance, push it away. |
| 0:43.3 | That's the general pattern. |
| 0:45.3 | The issue that creates for dating and avoidant is that it makes an already dangerous dating moment even more dangerous. |
| 0:52.3 | I have long said that the most dangerous moment in dating |
| 0:55.9 | is the moment you decide you really like someone or even love them. The moment you decide you like |
| 1:00.6 | someone and then you feel they like you back, the most dangerous moment in dating. And the reason |
| 1:06.7 | it's the most dangerous moment is because we think it's so rare. I never meet anyone I like. |
| 1:12.0 | And they like me back. This is it. And then we give everything to this situation. Because that's |
| 1:18.5 | the moment you're liable to throw all of your standards out the window in order to stay close to them. |
| 1:23.2 | But with the avoidant, it's dangerous for another reason. The moment you let your guard down and show |
| 1:28.3 | your true feelings is the moment that many avoidance begin to feel overwhelmed and start to pull away. |
| 1:35.5 | So what are some of the early signs of the avoidance so that you can in some way inoculate |
| 1:40.9 | yourself against these painful situations? Let's talk about them. Number one, |
| 1:47.1 | with an avoidant, closeness equals distance. The most important sign is not that someone is distant, |
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