Get it, the Bert show.

All right, so we are about to start texting a complete random, actually, for Kelsey.

They were at a New Year's Eve party with a whole bunch of friends.

She was single, some dude comes up to her and says, hey, are you here alone? She says, yes, he disappears right before midnight. Dude finds her again and says,

hey, it's midnight, is it okay if I kiss you?

She says, oh, hell yeah, bring it in, bitch.

But no.

But no. she's not.

The narrative is a pain. Is that not how...

She decided her resolution was to be more forthcoming.

Aggressive.

More aggressive, yes.

And he's like, whoa, slow it down, sister, but he ends up giving her a thoughtful,

kind, respectful, consenting kiss. which is not what she wanted that kind of kiss but that's the one she got

So she finds out through various friends who this dude is and wants to text him and what is our goal here?

A date. Is it a date?

Right, it's a date. Kelsey you want to go on a date with this dude and get to know him right?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. what else would be the goal true love? Tell

him you got herpes. But no! I'm sorry to let you know. It's only a cold sore.

I think that's what we lead with. Hey, is this John? Yeah sure is. You kiss me at midnight.

Just want to let you know you got the hurt. No, stop. That's not how we're starting the new year.

Austin, I'm pregnant.

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