Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the

way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking

about handling defensive behaviors. Ramesh possesses a unique blend of technical genius and emotional intelligence.

He's patient and smart and insightful.

He's also conflict averse.

Repeatedly he found himself backing away from holding Lauren one of his technology officers accountable.

He's explosive and irrational, Ramesh said to me, and I ought to know he's an old friend. He's always been this way.

So what would be a good outcome? I asked him. He thought for a minute then smiled.

I don't suppose we could get him to change could we?

I laughed. Maybe we could but this is your coaching. What do you want for yourself?

He pondered for a minute and then said quietly,

What I'd really like is to be able to hold my ground when he explodes.

Standing your ground in the face of defensive behaviors is extremely difficult.

Research has proven that emotions are as contagious as the flu, only without the incubation period.

When one person gets angry and defensive, the other person does too.

In no time at all, both people are dug into their trenches, defending their positions,

deaf to any reason, if any reason is present at all.

Remesh and I role played the situation so he could learn to inoculate himself against

Lawrence emotion.

I of course got to play the fun role of Ramesh's explosive irrational direct report.

Over and over I coached Ramesh on three tools.

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