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After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings

Stop Raising Obedient Kids

After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings

Dear Media and Big Little Feelings

Big Little Feelings, Kids & Family, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, Deena Margolin, Kristin Gallant, After Bedtime, Parenting

4.55.8K Ratings

🗓️ 18 March 2026

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if the goal of parenting isn’t raising kids who always listen…but raising kids who feel safe being fully themselves? In this episode, Kristin shares a realization that stopped her in her tracks: so much of her life has been shaped by the quiet pressure to be liked. To be the nice one. The agreeable one. The one everyone walks away from thinking, “Wow, she’s so kind.” From friendships to everyday interactions with strangers, that instinct to make sure everyone feels good about her has been deeply ingrained, and incredibly exhausting.


And that realization led to a bigger parenting question: how often do kids learn to people-please because they feel their acceptance depends on it? Many of us grew up believing the highest compliment a child could receive was being called a “good kid.” The obedient one. The easy one. The one who doesn’t push back, question, or cause problems. But what if that expectation quietly teaches kids something we never intended, that their job is to make adults happy?


In this episode, we unpack the hidden pressure behind being the “good kid” and why prioritizing obedience above all else can sometimes make it harder for kids to develop confidence, boundaries, and trust in their own voice.


Kristin talks about:

  • Why the idea of the “obedient child” can be misleading
  • How kids internalize the need for approval from the adults around them
  • The subtle ways people-pleasing starts in childhood
  • The difference between respect and compliance
  • Why it’s actually healthy for kids to disagree, push back, and express who they really are
  • How we can create homes where kids feel safe showing up authentically...even when that’s messy


Because here’s the truth: our kids are going to grow up in a world where not everyone will like them. And while that’s uncomfortable, it’s also part of being human. The goal isn’t raising kids who never disappoint anyone. The goal is raising kids who trust themselves enough to be who they are, even when it means not everyone approves. And when kids know they’re loved exactly as they are, they don’t have to spend their lives shrinking themselves to earn it.


This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.


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 Produced by Dear Media

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The following podcast is a dear media production.

0:05.3

Welcome back to another episode of After Bedtime Besties.

0:09.2

Today we're talking about obedient kids.

0:12.9

Listen, we are obsessed with good kids, the idea of a good kid. When we say a good kid, we mean she's so well behaved. He never

0:26.2

talks back. They're so respectful. And we light up when we hear it, when we hear a stranger.

0:33.1

Or, oh my God, our parents, if our parents say that, we're like, we did something right. But let me ask you

0:40.2

something uncomfortable. Is your child respectful or are they scared? Is your child kind or are they

0:50.4

performing? Is your child regulated or are they suppressing? Because obedience can look

0:58.2

really beautiful in childhood, quiet, polite, easy. It's what we all want in our child. And this

1:07.6

obedience can cost a fortune in adulthood. Today's episode is called Stop Raising Obedient Kids.

1:16.1

This episode might be triggering for some people. This episode might also break something wide open inside of you that you needed to hear as a child and that you need to hear now parenting your very human child.

1:30.3

Get through the whole episode and then let's talk about obedient kids.

1:37.1

Welcome to after bedtime where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins.

1:43.5

The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're

1:45.9

doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders

1:51.9

of big little feelings, and we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy.

1:57.0

Nope. We're here to tell the truth, the unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process.

2:06.5

Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles.

2:12.7

It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be.

2:16.5

This is the place where we say the

2:18.2

quiet parts out loud, and we're so glad that you're here. Friends, how are you? How are you doing?

2:26.4

It's March, I believe this episode will come out in March. It's a quick turnaround episode,

...

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