States Rights... and States Left

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

Mac, John Hodgeman, Judge, Knowledge, More, Justice, Society & Culture, Kids & Family, Pc, Relationships, Jesse Thorn, Comedy, World, John Hodgman, Show, Information

4.8 • 7.9K Ratings

🗓️ 11 February 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Stephanie wants Brandon to admit that she’s lived in 11 states, damnit, and not deny her lived experience!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne. This week, states rights and states left.
0:10.2	Stephanie brings the case against her husband Brandon. Stephanie says she's lived in 11 states, but Brandon says, no, she's only lived in nine.
0:20.0	Who's right? Who's wrong?
0:21.9	What is Brandon talking about?
0:23.9	Only one can decide, please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.
0:31.2	I want to go to college for the rest of my life.
0:34.1	Sip Bankers Club.
0:35.6	Drink Miller Light on thirsty Thursdays and Tuesdayuesday night ice and i can get pizza a dollar a slice
0:42.5	bail of jessie thorne please swear the litigants in stephanie and brandon please rise and raise your right hands
0:48.3	you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god or God or whatever. I do. Do you swear to abide by
0:57.3	Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he lives is from a commonwealth? He lives in a
1:05.2	state? Yes. I live in a state, but I'm from a commonwealth. I'm from a commonwealth, but I live in a state.
1:12.5	Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.
1:14.4	First of all, you may be seated.
1:16.2	Brandon, Stephanie, thank you for being here.
1:18.4	I am an estate of happiness.
1:21.1	Do you know why?
1:22.0	I'm here at the new Max Fun HQ.
1:24.0	It's nice here, huh?
1:24.7	Sitting next to my buddy and bailiff, Jesse Thorne, joining you,
1:28.3	Stephanie and Brandon, away in Delaware, I believe. Am I correct? Correct. Fantastic. And I did
1:35.6	a little obscure cultural reference. I sat down with my friend Jesse for lunch today before
	...

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