Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
2 Bears 1 Cave
4.7 • 23.6K Ratings
🗓️ 6 April 2026
⏱️ 75 minutes
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Summary
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | 100% |
| 0:02.0 | I'm lowering my compression socks. |
| 0:07.0 | All right. |
| 0:09.0 | Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave as Bert removes his compression socks. |
| 0:15.0 | I'm an old man now, Tom. |
| 0:17.0 | Yeah. |
| 0:18.0 | I keep saying I'm a snowman in March. |
| 0:19.0 | What does that mean? |
| 0:20.0 | I'm dying. Oh, oh. |
| 0:21.6 | Hey, you've never looked better. |
| 0:22.8 | God's taking swings at me. |
| 0:24.2 | Dyes looking good on you, man. |
| 0:26.2 | Death looks good on me. |
| 0:27.4 | Yeah. |
| 0:27.8 | I was on stage last night in Ottawa. |
| 0:31.2 | Ottawa. |
| 0:32.4 | And I was like, my life is unrecognizable from three months ago. |
| 0:36.7 | I had two dogs three months ago. My kids were in L.A. I had no blood clots. I had a bus. I had all the shit |
| 0:46.6 | going on. And then this woman just goes, what about your rosacea? I was like, thanks lady. |
| 0:53.6 | Thanks, lady. Well, we should, we should like discuss it because God knows you're going to talk about it incessantly. I haven't talked about it yet. I know, but this is the best. I don't really do a podcast this much anymore. Well, this is the best thing. It's the best life to live don't do it too much it's really i gotta be |
| 1:10.9 | honest with you cutting back was the my stand-ups better ticket sales are better like i think i think |
| 1:16.7 | people were like i just want to see you on stage enough um no but let's talk about it for real because |
... |
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