Sitting, Scooping, and Sucking: Bathroom Politics

Good Children

Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella & Studio71 & Confetti Cannon

Comedy

5 • 2.1K Ratings

🗓️ 23 July 2025

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Good Children: The Podcast continues its brave, Pulitzer-adjacent coverage of the issues that matter. This week, we investigate the modern bathroom: a space for releasing, for sucking, for crying, and wondering when you'll buy toilet paper again. From the architectural injustice of door-to-floor stalls to the unspoken rules of public restroom etiquette, we’re naming names, pointing fingers, and asking the question no one else will: do you sit and scoop? Find us on Patreon: no filter, no notes, and no pants (optional). New episodes drop every Thursday at 8PM EST. Only here: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpodhttps://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/https://www.instagram.com/andrewmuscarella Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Are you ever afraid of rat fecese? Where? Like in general, like just like fecal matter on your cans,
0:07.8	mama. Rats are shitting on cans. You gotta, you have to open up a book or like, you're
0:14.1	wake up to the world. You gotta wake up to the world because this is something I've been
0:17.4	afraid of since middle school. So basically, yeah. Rats have been shitting for that long on cans.
0:23.0	Rats have been a source of plague.
0:27.7	Bubonic, I knew that.
0:30.0	Bubonic.
0:30.9	Yeah.
0:32.2	Boobonic.
0:34.9	That sounds nice.
0:37.4	It almost sounds sexual. Boobonic. That's what it is. Tell me about the fecal matter. So rats, it's Andrew, it's nothing new. It's nothing new. Let me tell you that. Rat fecal matter, rat poop. Is it very similar to my spooop? I couldn't tell you that.
0:54.5	I don't know anything about...
0:55.8	Pellets?
0:56.8	I don't want to talk about that.
0:58.1	What I want to say is that rats excrement waste in storage facilities, sometimes even
1:04.7	in your local shops, perhaps even if they're not up to grade.
1:10.1	And that waste could, a lot of times, sometimes falls on the top of a can.
1:14.9	And that's why I'm always wiping their cans before I drink them since I was in sixth grade.
1:20.2	I remember actually telling, remember Tara.
1:23.2	I remember Tara.
1:23.9	I told Tara this in sixth grade and she said what happens if you,, like, what happens if the rats go into you? What if you swallow the rat shit? And she said, do you get rat like reflexes? And she went rat reflexes and like pushed her hand and she accidentally hit Mikey Laudicuda in the face square her nose. Oh my God, did he hurt his nose? He heard his nose.
1:44.7	All because of rat fecal matter.
	...

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