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Ask Iliza Anything

Sips and Bites

Ask Iliza Anything

Ask Iliza Anything

Comedy

4.73.4K Ratings

🗓️ 6 April 2022

⏱️ 56 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Iliza believes liars won't change and that coupons make bad gifts.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Ask me! Ask a laser anything it's time to ask! Ask me on your question! Leave them in the Instagram

0:11.3

Comments section! Leave them on your Twitter or leave them on your Facebook! We'll see them! We'll read them!

0:19.0

Then we'll give you answers! You know it! I've got it! I've got the answers! The answers! You asked me!

0:27.0

Ask a laser anything! Help! Help! Help! Help!

0:33.0

You know what just popped up on my feed is another one of those videos, like a passenger captured videos of another passenger refusing to wear a mask on a plane.

0:42.0

Which at this point, I understand that it was like you're dissonant and you know you're thinking for yourself at first, like when it was like,

0:50.0

oh is this weird to wear a mask but now that we've been doing it, now you're just an idiot. Like it's a sign of a lack of intelligence that you won't just comply so we can all just go.

0:59.0

Then the woman was there like you need to get off the plane and she was saying that she was actively eating, which it's like we all know you're supposed to like,

1:08.0

even though, okay there's two things that are insane. One, her argument was, I was actively eating an apple and a banana.

1:15.0

Like just that, that would be a part of the deposition, like a part of like the transcript of your argument of what transpired.

1:22.0

It's having an apple and a banana, sir.

1:24.0

Same time. I don't know. She had it like laid out and I'm like, no you can't just have food. I mean by the way I've tried to do that.

1:31.0

Where it's like the foods in front of me. Who were you to judge how slow I eat it?

1:35.0

But just like the idea that like you're screaming, apple and banana, like as they're removing you.

1:40.0

And then the other thing is like somebody had to write an in flight manual and I've said this before where they write the words like please restore your mask.

1:47.0

Please like replace your mask between sips and bites.

1:51.0

Sips and bites.

1:54.0

Like federal paperwork.

1:57.0

Apple and bananas.

2:01.0

I just thread a straw up under.

2:04.0

And I hope for the best.

2:05.0

Yeah, at this point, I'm just like, there was a while there. I was like you guys are all probably sick and I don't want to die versus like I want to breathe in my rights.

...

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