Hi, my name is John Kim and I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth. I share my feelings and revelations. I believe in casual or

clinical and with you instead of at you I come unrehearsed on

purpose because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated. So I was listening to

Pernay Brown the other day and she said something where I was like yes

Wait one sec

Does that bother you? The whole point is I'm sitting in front of you at a coffee shop and that's why

hearing my coffee is going to only enhance your experience.

Anyway, she said, relationships are not 50-50.

And I was like, yes, and I wanted to piggyback off that because I've been saying this and I just feel so

validated that someone who studies research for a living has also announced that relationships are in fact not 50-50.

So yes on paper they are 50-50 in theory and yes relationships should not be lobsided and people should meet each other halfway all of that of course but in reality

relationships are 2080, 70, 30, 60, 40, and it fluctuates daily,

and the truth is that some days you're going to have 20% and that's all you're able to give.

And on those days your partner is going to give you 80 and then the days that your partner can give you 30 percent you're going to give 70 and this is the relationship dance you know because with life

depending on where you're going through where you're at it's hard to be 50-50, you know, and it's okay, right? This is the value in doing life with someone.

And you should have that dependency, you know, and I understand the word cod dependent is a big word and now we see it like neon and we don't want to be cod dependent, we don't want to be imished and yes yes but relationships are built so you

can depend on someone if you are sick you should depend on your partner to bring you food or take care of you and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're co-dependent.

So some days relationships will be lopsided.

And when I see lopsided, I don't mean emotionally I mean just what it takes to carry the relationship and

keep it going so I love seeing three pieces in a relationship.

There is you, there is your partner,

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