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Drunk Ex-Pastors

Podcast #85: The Murder of Justice Scalia

Drunk Ex-Pastors

Christian Kingery

Comedy, Religion & Spirituality

4.7566 Ratings

🗓️ 22 February 2016

⏱️ 108 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a depressing reminder that we are aging and on a steep decline in health and wellness followed by an economics lesson on how, if we are all dying anyway, we can live for free off other people's money until we meet our untimely end. We then hear from a local listener whose Valentine's Day ended with some sexy lovin' despite how it began (with public half-naked man-wrestling). We then take a caller's question about whether CrossFit is a cult or merely a lifestyle-defining group with incredibly devoted members whose zeal to convert others to their way of life utterly consumes them. Another caller asks whether Jason's insistence that Leftist extremists are more benign than their Right-wing counterparts is actually true or just special pleading, after which we recount the birthday festivities that took place after last week's show as recorded. We seek to put to bed all present and future charges of racial and political bias by criticizing a bunch of white people, and then continue our "Pagan Repent!" discussion by examining why God, despite having a myriad of options, would choose to reveal himself to first-century Jews (or as Christian calls them, "those people"). Our "Feeding Friendsy" portion of the show seeks to get to the bottom of Justice Scalia's obvious murder, ascertaining whether the killer had help or if Obama simply acted alone. And finally, Christian is biebered by the fact that he apparently looks like a teenager (albeit one with chronic breathing problems).

Also, if Bernie doesn't win, look at the bright side — at least he can get back to his real passion: stabbing babies with scissors on their birthday

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Dude, I'm sick again. Dude, I'm rich. You're rich? Yeah. Why? You first. You started. Actually, we could just play a loop of something you've said on the last six weeks of podcasting about being sick. I know. It's more than six weeks, I think. Are you seriously sick again? Yeah, I had a fever last night, but having some stomach issues,

0:21.9

if you know what I mean. Oh, he did he do. And then I can't breathe and my cough is coming back.

0:26.9

Dude, I know. You should get an immune system. You really should look into investing in one. They're

0:31.5

awesome. Well, the thing that's really difficult for me with this is that I don't normally get sick.

0:37.4

Usually everybody around me gets sick and I don't get it or I get some very mild version of that lasts for a day. Yeah. So this is, this is hurtful not just to my body, but to my whole psyche about myself. Because you're changing. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, as an age, is it, is, do I have some chronic disease now?

0:54.9

All of the above. Dude, you feel as I'm ever going to feel. I thought about that. Like, whatever aches and pains you have right now, your elbow hurts, your elbow's only going to get worse. Yeah, like what if I, this is as good as your elbow will ever feel? Yeah, what if I have like COPD, which is a pulmonary disease.

1:11.9

By the way, I've been which is a pulmonary disease?

1:11.8

By the way, I'm, I've been referred to a pulmonologist now because I haven't been able to breathe for a month and a half. But, which is, it's like a, it's like a, it's some kind of lung disease that is a combination of emphysema and bronchitis. and you just have it for like your whole life.

1:27.6

Yeah.

1:28.0

And I thought to myself, what if this is it?

1:30.0

Like I just have to deal with not being able to get a full breath and coughing all the time for the rest of my life. Yeah, my mom has that same problem. I mean, of course, she's 76 years old or 75 years old. But, you know, she had half of her lungs taken out because of cancer. But, you know, you two are, you should call each other and be part of the same support group. I kind of look at you more as, as like, a parental figure now. This is because you're so sickly. We're the same age now. That's true. Dude, I'm rich. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's awesome. How'd you get rich? It's just free money. I'm rich, bitch. I'm rich, biotch. Um, rich, beauch.

2:04.6

Um, just free money, dude. Yeah, you got free money coming your way? For 15 months, it's free. Wow. That's amazing. I got one of those 0% APR credit cards. Yeah? Yeah, so I went to the bank. And those credit cards from what I hear from my old self, you can just use them and not ever pay them. Yeah. That's what credit is. Instead of giving them money, you just give them this card that they do something with. And it's free. Free. That's crazy. Yeah, so I went to the bank and I deposited several thousand dollars into my bank account.

2:52.3

Did you really? Yeah. It's because there's no interest till like for 15 months. Did you at least pay off the other card? What? That's what I'm going to do with this one. Okay. That's what I was asking. I have, yeah. I mean, I'm in like, I mean, I'm in a lot of debt,

2:53.7

but it's like, I'm not worried about it. I have, yeah, I mean, I'm in, I'm in, like, I mean, I'm in a lot of debt, but it's like,

2:52.8

I'm not worried about it because I have a lot of money that's coming to me.

2:55.9

Right.

3:04.1

That will mostly pay off the debt that I have. Right. But it's not, hasn't come yet. That's about all. That's right. That's it. but it's kind of nice to like what did your Facebook post

3:05.5

say today I was cracking up

3:06.8

oh I said this whole thing of

3:08.2

wait wait wait wait wait you just want to read it

3:10.0

let me read it okay so you're just going to kind of nice to like. What did your Facebook post say today? I was cracking up. Oh, I said this whole thing of...

3:08.4

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

...

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