Podcast #111: Johnny Scissorhands
Drunk Ex-Pastors
Christian Kingery
4.7 • 566 Ratings
🗓️ 22 August 2016
⏱️ 92 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin by reminding everyone that football season is right around the corner, furnishing Cam Newton with endless possibilities for being a complete tool. We commiserate over our most generous patron turning out to be a sham, and then tackle a caller's question about how to be right when everyone around us is wrong. We revisit Satanism and discuss the writing of sinister messages in one's own blood (but enough about Johnny Depp). We address Rudy Giuliani's creative approach to statistics and Trump's fatwah against Hillary, and then weigh in on how much, exactly, Gabby Douglas hates America. Christian's "Feeding Friendsy" questions just how many Constitutional Amendments will be left after Hillary gets into power, and Jason's "Dick Move, God" segment pours a swallow of malt liquor onto the ground for all those who lost their lives because their great-great grandfathers hated Yahweh. Christian is biebered by having to show restraint, and Jason's bieber has to do with Geico's lies.
Also, Christian actually likes something this week! It's just a song, but baby steps.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, I'm Fiona Stelman, Christian's best friend's daughter. |
| 0:08.0 | For some reason, my dad likes doing this podcast, and you like listening to it, but I'm not allowed to. |
| 0:14.4 | If you want them to keep doing the show, they need your support. |
| 0:18.7 | Become a Patreon. |
| 0:20.7 | By going to patreon. they need your support. Become a patron. Is that right? |
| 0:22.3 | By going to patreon.com |
| 0:25.2 | slash drunk ex-pastors |
| 0:28.3 | and pledging money for each episode. |
| 0:31.1 | When you shop online for Legos, |
| 0:34.2 | do it at amazon.com slash drunk ex-pastors. You can donate on PayPal and write them a five-star |
| 0:41.9 | review on iTunes and tell my dad how awesome he is. Or you could just send them whiskey. This stuff |
| 0:50.4 | doesn't just fall out of sky for free like manna from heaven, you know. |
| 0:55.3 | And now, here they are. |
| 0:57.8 | My dad, Jason, and the other bulb guy, you're drunk ex-pastors. |
| 1:05.3 | Hey. |
| 1:07.0 | Are you waiting for me to say hey? |
| 1:09.3 | Well, no, I was waiting for you to play a voicemail, but I just told me you didn't, we just decided that we're going to put it later. |
| 1:13.7 | Yeah. |
| 1:14.2 | Okay. |
| 1:15.4 | In that conversation we had 30 seconds ago when you told me you didn't want me to play a voicemail at the beginning of the podcast. I can't be held accountable for things that happened that long ago. There's statute of limitations on stuff I'm supposed to remember. |
| 1:24.1 | I think it's like 30 seconds. |
| 1:25.6 | Yeah. |
... |
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