Hey everyone, it's me.

Slightly less nasally this week, but not by much.

I'm Jackie Shimmel, writer and creator of blog, turned podcast, The Bitch Bible.

Yo, hi, what's up?

It's just me today.

So I'm sure you're all really fucking excited about that, just like I am.

I am in the midst of a bride, Zilla crisis.

I'm actually recording this podcast in my car right now in the driveway because when I get

stressed out, I like to come outside, sit in my car with the seat heaters on and listen

to Dr. Laura Schlesinger because it just calms me down.

I feel like I'm in like a little bubble, a bubble that pollen can't penetrate my nostrils

because like I swear, I feel like I'm walking around with a ball of mucus in my head.

It's all very, very sexy.

So I had my bridal shower this weekend.

It was gorgeous.

I have the most amazing ants ever.

It was perfect.

There was mixed metals, China and gold rimmed glassware and a mimosa bar with five different

garnishes.

And let me tell you, if you don't marry for love, you should

just marry for the gifts.

I mean, it's a shame that I'm like 99% positive.

...