Perfectly Puffy
Bitch Bible
PodcastOne
4.6 • 14.6K Ratings
🗓️ 6 January 2026
⏱️ 63 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jackie is back and resolves to be bitchier than ever in 2026, laments the derth of proper entertainment, and recaps her first holiday off in years that includes power outages, flooding pools, rodents, spoiling caviar, and an incontinent child.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | And we're back. |
| 0:15.5 | Wow, it feels good. |
| 0:17.7 | Happy 2026, everybody, the year of the horse. May. Can I tell you something? I want to be |
| 0:28.4 | sincere for three and a half minutes. I have never taken two weeks off. Okay. I gave birth and was |
| 0:34.9 | like locked and loaded with a mic three and a half hours later. |
| 0:38.8 | And granted, like two weeks isn't that long of a time. |
| 0:41.8 | People will be like, Jackie, you're stupid bitch. |
| 0:43.3 | All you do is talking to a microphone for an hour a week, which, yes, of course, is true. |
| 0:49.0 | But, you know, besides that hour of recording, I'm thinking, the wheels are working. I'm compiling |
| 0:55.9 | notes on people, places, and things, okay? I am on a cerebral treadmill, if you will. |
| 1:02.1 | And these two weeks of being unable to purge my soul into a microphone and scream at you |
| 1:09.6 | has been really difficult, you know, |
| 1:12.7 | and I think the universe kind of showed me what it's like. And I've lived so many lives in two |
| 1:20.4 | weeks, you know, and I'm so excited to chat with you. Here's another thing I'll say. |
| 1:25.4 | Because 2026 is the year of the horse and also the year |
| 1:30.2 | the bitch, okay, like every other year. I'm not doing nice anymore. People like Jackie, |
| 1:35.2 | you've never done nice. Nice doesn't work with you people. AI is coming for our jobs. It's a big, |
| 1:41.1 | bad world out there. And you know what AI can't do? |
| 1:45.9 | Be a ruthless cunt for sport. |
| 1:48.5 | Okay, you know what AI can't do? |
| 1:50.0 | Talk about wedding gallery walls for 14 minutes. |
| 1:54.3 | I have job security. |
... |
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