Bitch Bible Holiday Classics: New Year, Same Bitch
Bitch Bible
PodcastOne
4.6 • 14.6K Ratings
🗓️ 30 December 2025
⏱️ 46 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jackie greets 2019 with the same morally flexibility of years prior. She breaks down the post holiday blues, her friendship with Taylor Swift, the Golden Globes and why sending 160,000 text messages to a guy is totally normal!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Wow. |
| 0:10.3 | 2018 was quite the year. |
| 0:13.1 | We experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows, but with my guy by my side, I know |
| 0:18.4 | that we can handle anything and that 2019 is going to be even |
| 0:21.8 | fucking better. Kill me. Um, no, Cheryl, 2018, you were fat and things didn't go well. |
| 0:30.5 | 2019 is going to be mediocre at best. Okay. Please. How fucking annoying is everybody new year, new me. No, you were a cunt a decade ago and |
| 0:41.1 | you're going to be a cunt a decade from now. Hi, everybody. What's up? Happy fucking New Year. |
| 0:47.4 | Oh, I'm so happy to be back. I took a week off last week for New Year's. Thank you for bearing with me. Andrew, what the |
| 0:56.3 | fuck? I'm recording. I'm just kidding. Hi, honey. New Year, new year, new me. You have to, |
| 1:02.0 | would you like to say anything? No. Okay. Bye. Bye. Lylast. Fucking Andrew. See, that was his way. |
| 1:09.2 | He's all, he's trying to fucking Bogart this podcast. He's deeply insecure with my blossoming podcast career. And, you know, he just has to fucking interrupt my goddamn intro. Oh, Jesus Christ. This guy. Oh, my God. Don't you love when people refer to their significant others as like every day is a date night with this guy? |
| 1:28.3 | Let me tell you when you want to kill your husband the most during the fucking holidays. |
| 1:31.7 | I want to kill everybody during the holidays. |
| 1:34.0 | Let me tell you something about this faux fucking December cheer. |
| 1:39.0 | It's the most jolly time of the fucking year. |
| 1:41.6 | It's awful. |
| 1:42.4 | There's family tension. |
| 1:43.9 | Have you ever had room temperature |
| 1:46.1 | toastitos cheese dip? Because I have on a Christmas afternoon. The darkest moments of my |
| 1:52.7 | fucking life. Room temperature, toastitos, casso dip. No fucking thank you. Bye and a chip out of a bag. I'm sorry. I fucking can't. |
| 2:05.4 | And castrioles on castles on casseroles all through the holiday season. Listen, white people, |
| 2:11.6 | casseroles are disgusting. Okay? Anything with a cream of mushroom and a fucking French onion and cream sauce and cheese? |
... |
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