Gonsieur, the pink-eye Parisian princess is back on American soil.

I am happy to report that I am one week on antibiotics, an eye drop solution that quite literally could have been

urine or vagusil. There was a bit of a language barrier when I went to go acquire said eye drops I don't know but she

believed she could and she fucking did again the retinas are raw but they are

clear fun fact I recorded this week's episode last week right when I got home.

And the retinas were still a pinkish hue and I completely scrapped the episode because upon reviewing the footage with my Rosie Retinas,

I just wanted to make sure that Emma Stone made it to the Oscars without Pink Eye before I started like sharing my story, you know, not to make her

victory about me, but it is somewhat of a miracle that, you know, I didn't

spread the conjunctivitis because she leaves a little conjunctivitis everywhere

she goes. Somebody called Gina from Real Housewives of Orange County and get her to put it on a

woodplank in the fucking casita. So now that I'm away from it I just wanted

like time to settle and like process my grief and my feelings. Here is my truth. About a week and a half ago, three days before I went to Paris. Last

week I went into grave detail about how my son who's not fucking sleeping. I've got a

baby monitor just to my left because I'm a mother, a single mom that works two jobs that loves her kids and never fucking stops. So go to sleep, go to sleep go to sleep.

What was I saying?

Yes, he sat in the bathtub.

You know, I am a hand washing queen.

They call me hand washing Helen on the streets of the 818. I'm so

terrified of being sick. I, this is how I live my life and I'm not a paranoid person and I understand that this isn't like probably going to track well for that narrative but like I drive like everyone around me is drunk. I wash my hands like everybody around me has the plague. I wash my

I act accordingly in preparation for any road bumps.

And then when the road bumps happen, I will say I take them beautifully,

like with the finesse of a 150 foot yacht,

...