Opie Saves a Dying Handyman with Gas-Station Aspirin

Opie Unfiltered (Opie Radio Podcast)

Gregg "Opie" Hughes

Entertainment News, News, Comedy Interviews, Comedy, Improv

4.0 • 4.9K Ratings

🗓️ 25 June 2026

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Ron drops a wild, hilarious, and kinda heartbreaking bomb right out the gate: as a neglected feral kid living in an attic, his lips got so chapped they looked like he had four lips. Cue lifelong chapstick dependency and nonstop roasting from Opie. Then marine biologist FishGuyPhotos (Chris) rolls in with a full-on tick apocalypse report, drone shark facts, whale updates, why mermaids are just horny sailors hallucinating manatees, and why your lobster roll might be doomed. Throw in Opie’s chaotic hero moment — fumbling ibuprofen like a Butterfingers commercial while his daughter saves the day with a dusty first-aid kit — and you’ve got one of the funniest, weirdest, most unhinged episodes yet. Trauma, ticks, ticks, and lifesaving drama. You’re gonna wanna hear this one.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	money for my father.
0:02.0	It got so bad once.
0:04.4	Wait, we're live, we're live, we're live.
0:05.9	Yeah, that's fine.
0:22.5	Okay. I don't mind. I just want to say, let me just jump in really fast. I was about to start the live stream and run the way to Ronnie Babes, whose Venmo code is right above him. He goes, I can't start. I got to go get my chapstick. I don't know any adult males, especially, that have chapstick.
0:22.4	And then he sits back down with my chapstick. I don't know any adult males, especially that have chapstick.
0:24.2	And then he sits back down his chapstick and just starts telling me
0:26.0	this horrific story about
0:27.5	how he was traumatized when he was a kid.
0:30.2	And because he was traumatized as a kid,
0:32.7	he needs chapstick.
0:33.9	I always have to have chapsic on me.
0:36.4	Why?
0:39.2	I wasn't, I was like a
0:41.2	feral child.
0:43.2	I lived, I was forced to live in an attic by myself.
0:45.5	No one took care of me. My parents
0:47.4	took off. My father
0:49.6	said me to live another family.
0:51.2	Right. Because the stepmother said either me or him,
0:53.5	they didn't give a fuck about me. They were just taking the money. As a, I mean, we're talking to it. I'm in like, fucking ninth grade. How old are you in ninth grade? Like all of a sudden, in ninth grade, I'm living with another family. Like nine, nine ish, maybe ten. Sure. And I wasn't being like, there was no motherly love or fatherly love with this family.
1:14.0	Right.
	...

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