Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor Jesse Thorne. We're in chambers

this week to clear the docket with me as always the always and all powerful Judge John

Hodgman. Opening my third eye in the middle of my tongue now and allowing it to see into

your souls. I am your Judge John Hodgman here to judge you with my eye tongue. Also,

by the way, speaking of eyes, all eyes, well, not all, but some eyes were on us. Here's

a little time warp for those of you who saw me and Jesse both on the periscope right before

we recorded this one. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, I had fun. I had fun with John taunting

me on my own periscope. I wasn't taunting you. I just thought it would be fun to do the

podcast that way with you talking and me commenting. Well, let's clear the docket, John,

because that's what we're here to do. We can start with a letter from AJ. A few weeks

ago, I used a profane word at a local dive bar after 10 p.m. A man with two children under

the age of 10 came over to our table and told us to clean up our language. I believe

that if a parent or guardian brings children to a bar, any adult language they overhear

is fair game. My friend sided with the man and felt that he had the right to ask us

to be more conscious of our language was the responsibility on me to survey my surroundings

more carefully. Well, I have two stories that might illuminate my point of view on that.

One is a story in which I, John Hodgman, was having lunch at the local diner here in Brooklyn

while being visited by our mutual friend, Mr. Paul F. Tomkins, the very famous and excellent

comedian. It was the middle of a Sunday. Well, it wasn't even a Sunday. It was a middle

of a weekday. We were not alone in the diner. And Paul and I were talking back and forth

a little bit. Now, we're both gentlemen. Paul is a very dapper fellow. And we speak good

and tend to present as dudes who would not curse a whole lot. We don't curse on this podcast,

...