My Soul Will Always Be Fat | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Comedy, Society & Culture

4.8 • 23.2K Ratings

🗓️ 8 December 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

SPONSORS: - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://hollowsocks.com/ today to check out their huge sale. #HollowSockspod - Get 15% OFF your entire order with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com. - Anyway, if you want to try Rho Nutrition’s NAD+, the Glutathione, whatever, they’re giving 20% off with the code BEARS at https://rhonutrition.com/discount/BEARS This week, Bert’s wasting away, Tom’s tucking in his shirts, and the Bears are going into hibernation for the winter. Before that good news, Bert breaks down losing 25 lbs in a month, projectile-vomiting in airport bathrooms, and Tom producing Olympic-level protein farts. Tom also talks his new pastry empire and defends his son’s obsession with suits and hair product; along the way they dive into Bert’s DEXA scan nightmare, and some chaotic CMA stories including a Steve Martin panic-meeting and Billy Bob Thornton being a king. They also discuss robe culture, aging out of podcasting, comedian fashion, the future of 2 Bears with guest hosts, tours and the 2 Bears 5K, plus they announce the return of the Summer Bears next week. Enjoy! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 318 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:02 - OzemBert & Gassy Tim 00:09:17 - Fat Boy Dreams 00:19:35 - Dressing Like An Adult Is Hard 00:28:44 - Country Music Awards Chaos 00:39:57 - Robe Guys & Big Joe Pesci Energy 00:46:22 - Crisis Of Appearance 00:52:03 - Quentin Tarantino 00:55:46 - The Winter Bears, 2025 Look Back, & 2 Bears 5k 01:06:14 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to another episode.
0:14.0	Two Bears OneK. We're here in Bert's Lair.
0:17.7	It's been a minute, dude. How are you doing? How are you feeling?
0:21.8	Weak. Why are you feeling weak? Because I'm skinny now, and this is what skinny people feel like. They feel weak. Yeah. Powerful. How are you so skinny? What happened? Natural. Not using any drugs. It's good. It's just self-discipline. you know, I get up at five in the morning and I go to the gym and then I barely sleep at night
0:41.0	I do cold blood. drugs. It's good. It's just self-discipline. You know, I get up at 5 in the morning and I go to the
0:38.6	gym and then I barely sleep at night. I do cold plunge. I do aromatherapy. I do red light therapy.
0:44.3	Awesome. I get my vitamin D. I say my gratitudes. I journal. Wow. You're doing all this stuff.
0:51.4	And then I go right back to bed. Yeah.
0:57.2	No, I'm so fucking tired with this health fit movement.
0:58.3	I just gave up.
0:58.9	I'm on Monjaro.
0:59.8	Yeah.
1:01.4	And it's been how long?
1:06.1	I just took my fourth shot Sunday.
1:09.5	And so in a month, how much are you down?
1:11.1	25 pounds. That's pretty ridiculous, man.
1:12.5	It's, yeah, it's, I tell you, I don't know, I don't know if I would, I would recommend
1:19.4	it if it's a health thing.
1:21.0	Like you need to for your health benefits.
1:24.0	Yeah.
1:24.2	Yeah.
1:24.3	So I sent you my, uh, your Dexas scan.
	...

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