Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 9th, 2013.

Is that what year it is? 2013? Absolutely it is. How's it going? How are you? Did you have a good week? I'm fucking out of it because I had to get up at five o'clock this morning.

And I had to do a bunch of phoneers for upcoming shows, you know, answering all the questions. Some good, some bad, some repetitive.

But you know, it's what you do is a professional. You answer them every time like it's the first time. So how do you, how do you come up with your material?

Is it something do you write every day or is it more spur of the moment? What strike? What strikes you as funny?

And then you got to go into it. Wow, you know, you used to write. No, I just got a fucking, you know, fucking tear drop coming out of your eye. But whatever.

Whatever. So here I am. I'm fucking groggy. You know what sucks is I used to be a morning person. I really did. But granted, I also used to go to bed at like fucking 9 30, 10 o'clock at night.

Because when I was a young fella, a little lad with orange hair, running around the playground, trying not to get the shit kicked out of me whilst bullying people smaller than me. That's how you did it back then.

Right. You beat the shit out of me. I can't beat the shit out of you. I have this awful feeling. Oh, I'll take it out on that little kid over there smaller than me. That's the way it was done. It was the 70s.

It wasn't social networking. Okay. People couldn't get all get on and be like, hey, sign this petition man. And let's end the bullying.

It wasn't. You just had to go to school every day and you fucking took it. And no local news reporter came down and I didn't get to go on the fucking TV with my stupid freckle phrase. You know, lower bottom lip quivering as I tell the story of somebody beat the shit out of me. Nobody care.

All right. That was it. So anyways, now I'm in this fucking business. So I'm not a morning person. I used to have a paper with everybody. I used to get up with the crack of fucking dawn.

You know, jump on a bicycle. Be pitch black out in the wintertime. For these are my fucking small balls off pre-pubes. Pre-pubes. I didn't say that word. Fucking balls off. You know, nostril sticking together.

And nobody gave a shit. This is this is back when a child did that job that nowadays an adult has to do the job either because the dollar is so fucking weak or because that Chris Hansen has everybody so paranoid that there's some pervert with his dick out behind every goddamn tree out there.

That's why you got fat kids, right? Did I do a bit about this back of my fucking earlier standup days? I can't even remember. I'm so tired right now.

But yeah, we still that shit. Parents didn't hover over children. Didn't have play dates. None of that shit.

What it was was your mom fed you and then there would be, you know, she'd get sick of right around when like the game show started coming on and then she would just open the door and just be like, you kids need to go outside.

Go outside and you just go outside and there was other kids that were also banished to go outside and then you'd link up.

And then you just went about your business. You fought your tight kids to trees. You threw fireworks at him. You played with matches. You threw shit in people's pools.

You've vandalized a new house that was being built. You know, sweet innocent fun like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. That's what the fuck you did.

But those days are all gone now. You keep kids inside and you feed them and you get them big and fat. That's what you do. Well, that was the bit. You get them so fat that they're unfuckable, right?

Is not what it was. I can't remember. What if there's a pervert who's into fat kids?

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