Monday Morning Podcast 9-2-13
Monday Morning Podcast
All Things Comedy
4.7 • 34.1K Ratings
🗓️ 2 September 2013
⏱️ 88 minutes
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday September 2nd. Oh happy Labor Day everybody. |
| 0:12.0 | Why is it Labor Day around the world? If it is happy Labor Day at all, you guys out there, especially ones that make all of our clothes. |
| 0:27.0 | Everybody in the first world out there. Come on. Let's have a nice round of applause for the six-year-old and El Salvador who made your little cargo pants that you're walking around the cookout with right now with your big stupid pockets. |
| 0:42.0 | Your wife's rolling her fucking eyes gone. Why does he keep wearing those shorts he had in college? |
| 0:48.0 | Oh God, the nineties are over. Why doesn't he see it? Why did I end up jumping on his dick instead of that other guy's? |
| 0:57.0 | The other guy, he became a doctor and he wears slacks now. |
| 1:02.0 | For those of you around the world listening to this podcast and my ego tells me that there are people around the world. |
| 1:08.0 | You know, maybe somebody sitting in a bunker, right? Listening to this shit over here in the United States, we have something called Labor Day because we work so fucking hard in this country. |
| 1:21.0 | That's why we're number one. You know why? Because we outworked all of you. You bunch of lazy fucking cunts. |
| 1:33.0 | Actually, we didn't. According to Tom Broca, it was the greatest generation. They fucking did everything except raise their kids right. |
| 1:42.0 | You know, they raised their kids right where they are reacted to the Vietnam War the way they did. Now they would have gone into the Pacific the same way they did World War II. |
| 1:52.0 | We got a job to do. It's got to get done. No one wants to do it. Fuck it. I'm voluntary. Right? |
| 2:00.0 | They were so shell shocked from that. They couldn't even look at their kids and then their kids just grew up all spoiled rotten. |
| 2:06.0 | And then all of a sudden it was their turn to go and then they were just like, hey man, like don't harsh them. Melo, man. Right? And that was the beginning of the end. |
| 2:17.0 | I'm telling you right now, if less people dodge the Vietnam War, you wouldn't have as many fat people in this fucking country right now. |
| 2:25.0 | Okay? And if you can't do the math on that one, then you know what? I can't help you. |
| 2:32.0 | That's one of my new things is I just make stupid statements to people in bars, right? That connect in no way possible. |
| 2:42.0 | And as I watched their forehead wrinkle up, I throw in and if you can't do the math, then I can't help you. |
| 2:49.0 | It's a fucking wonderful game because it's it puts somebody remember when you were like in like junior high grade school, junior high or whatever and kids first started talking about sex. |
| 3:01.0 | And they would be like, do you know what this is? And you had no idea, but you didn't want to admit to it. |
| 3:06.0 | You know, because you didn't want to be the kid who didn't know, even though nobody was fucking anything at that point, right? |
| 3:11.0 | But you just didn't want to be the dummy. That's what I'm tapping into. |
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