Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 29th, 2014. How the heck are you?

Oh, that's good. You know, it's always great to hear that you're doing well. What are you doing right now on your Monday morning?

You're driving through the fucking rain. It's goddamn windshield. Right? Trying to clear your fucking windshield so you can see that awful building that you hate going into.

You ever get the urge to just fucking keep driving right by it. You know, what if you don't make that left? What if you don't make that right? What if you just keep going straight?

What would happen if you took your cell phone you threw it out the fucking window and you just kept going and you didn't talk to anybody and you just kept driving.

You got a credit card on you, right? You got a debit card. You just keep fucking driving right up and over the hill.

Right past that fucking soul eating goddamn place you work at. You just kept fucking going.

Are you commuting right now? I want somebody to do it. Throw your cell phone out the fucking window. Just keep driving. I want to know how far you get and how long you can last.

Before you come back with your bottom lip quivering because you realize that you don't know how to start a fire without a match.

You ever think about that? You ever think about how stuck in the matrix you are as you drive to work on a fucking Monday morning? Why do I assume that all of you hate your jobs?

Maybe you love your job. Maybe. Maybe you love it. Maybe you're like a job. I mean, I'm gonna take some jobs that I think that I would actually love.

I would love being a veterinarian. Well, I don't know about that. I'm seeing animals in pain, but you can get them out of pain.

Then you got to deal with the weird owners. I wouldn't mind some pet owners. I would be like the owners that like.

I don't know. They never found love. So now they love their cat.

It could just be a really sad place, right? I think the first thing I would do if I was a vet would be.

I would try to become some sort of specialist. Well, I got to enter through the back of the veterinarian place and I never had to talk to the owners.

You know, like I don't want to meet him.

You know, kind of like I handle people who advertise on this podcast. I never talked to any of them. And anytime they fucking complain.

I just give them the money back. And then that's it. But I never get on the phone with them.

My advertising person will call me, you know, send me an email and just be like, oh, they want to talk to you about your last read.

Do you have any availability this week? And I just say, no, I don't.

What about next week? I don't foresee myself being available ever.

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