Hey, what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday.

Fucking Monday.

September 23rd, 2013. What's going on? What's going on? What's up? See the fucking patch? You know, you didn't think they would add good. You're fucking three and oh now. Now what?

I didn't think so. More on that later. I am back in the continental United States. I just did two wonderful shows up in Toronto, Ontario. It's first time I've been up to Canada in a while.

I had a great time and right before that I was in Pittsburgh at a lovely time there. Thanks all the guys at DVE, Randy Bowman, Bill Crawford opening it up, killing, killing, killing at the Heinz Hall. And then before that I was down there with in West Virginia.

Another beautiful state that everybody shits all over. I'm telling you, I'm going to retire in one of those fucking states. That is my game plan.

Game plan is I'm going to somehow get these fucking banker counts off of me. I'm going to pay off this goddamn house. And then, you know, I'm too fucking old.

You know, my hair's all white or yellow, whatever happens to fucking red hair. And on top I got those freckled old age spots on my bald head. I'm just going to be, ah fuck all of you.

And I'm going to sell this place. And I will move to like, I don't know West Virginia. I moved to Iowa, but like what the fuck?

Yeah, that was good. Bill, that was great. I really understand the topography now of Iowa with that vivid description. Thank you. I'm over here in Wales, England. Now I understand exactly what Iowa looks like. I'm sorry. I maybe the Dakotas.

Something along those lines.

I'm just going to move to the middle of fucking nowhere. And by then, maybe I'll have a pilot's license. And I can go out like John Denver. And I just think that that would be a, that would be a lovely life.

It would be a lovely life.

No, I've actually, you know, just been driving around seeing all the different parts of the country here, man. I'm getting back into driving to stuff. In fact, by the way, last week, I got a brutally male from somebody telling me what a piece of shit I am and all this type of stuff because I had to cancel my gig and El Paso.

And it's like, I didn't cancel the fucking thing. It rained. And that's not my fault that you guys don't have a sewer system or whatever the fuck it is out there in El Paso. And I told you that I would rescu- I fucking flew out there.

I was sitting there. I had my show shirt all ironed. I was ready to go. But as promised, I said, we will reschedule the El Paso date as soon as possible. And I am a man of my fucking word.

The El Paso date, the new date is October 2nd.

All right. And instead of, dude, I call it, Verzy. I'm actually bringing Rose Bowl legend, tailgate legend. Mr. Joe Bartnik, everybody.

Okay. A man who honed his skills in the San Francisco, San Francisco, see man. And that's a Wednesday. That's a great run. Wednesday is El Paso.

Thursday, the 3rd is San Jose. Friday, the 4th is Seattle. And then the 5th of October is back down in Phoenix.

And so anyways. So if you bought tickets already for El Paso, those things are totally honored. If you can't make October 2nd, your money will be refunded.

Any more than that. There's nothing else I can't control the fucking weather. So anyways, I've been getting slam lately.

...