Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnett. It's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, August 15th, 2011.

Big news, big news again this week. In case you didn't listen last week when I announced it on OPEN Anthony, this was the big goddamn secret for those of you out there who don't follow me on Twitter or Facebook or anything like that.

My big announcement was believe it or not on November 11th 2011. I am going to be performing at Carnegie Hall.

I'm going to be doing stand-up comedy in Carnegie Hall, New York City, the real one. Not that bullshit one out there in Pittsburgh. You know what I mean?

Like when you say I go to the University of North Carolina, Wilkesboro. I'm in one of the satellite campuses. No, I'm on the main one. Bitches.

All right. One, we're all the fancy people with their horns and their jazz musicians ship and their speeches. I'm going to be there.

Thanks to Andrew Carnegie for filling guilty at the end of his life after he had put his foot on the throat of poor people he decided, well, let's give him a building to go down and enjoy music. And you know what? I'm going to name that building after me.

I am going to be performing there. And I know I'm joking around about it, but I am absolutely blown away. I can't believe it.

And yeah, I don't know. It's been a long, took me 20 years to get there. Just a little under 20 years.

Okay. For you, you fantasy football stat douchebags out there. It was 19 years. It'll be 19 years. What's, what's 12 and eight months?

And in nine days, it took me to get there to go from fucking doing stand up in the basement of spaghetti Freddy's. Right. Eat my goddamn balls. One at a time. Nice and slow downstairs where they got all the extra pasta to get in the Carnegie Hall.

So there you go, youngsters, young comedians out there beat that beat 19 years, eight months and fucking whatever. How many day nine days, nine days.

All right. If you can beat that, you're a better comic than me, unless you have a catchphrase, then you can go fuck yourself because you cheated. You didn't cheat.

All right. But you gave them what they wanted. Didn't you? Oh, they liked when I said that. What if I say it again in the morons in the crowd.

Oh, keep doing it. It keeps getting funnier. If you fucking do that, if you just stand on there and you throw the raw meat at those goddamn morons and let them eat it up, just the exact fucking way they want. Then no, you're standing in a different line.

All right. There you go. I had a great fucking argument today talking about sports as always. And as I say that I looked at my ring finger on my left hand.

I sprained my finger yesterday playing catch playing football. That's what I do at 43. I know what you guys do. You go down. You probably have your kids taken down to the ironier doctor to make sure that they're going to be okay.

Then you bring them home. You teach your math. You teach them right from wrong. I'm sure that that's what you're doing. You're probably 10 years younger than me. You're doing that.

Me. I'm out on a golf course playing catch with a football trying to learn how to throw with my left hand. I don't know why it's fun to me.

So the fucking balls coming in. And I caught a couple one handed. And as I'm going to stick my hand out to catch it. Something in my brain goes, don't do that.

And then my ego said, hey, fuck you, brain. I'm running this shit. All right. If I wanted any logical thought out of you, I would have asked a fucking question. Stand down, sir.

So of course I stick out my left hand. I didn't jam it. I got to be honest with you. If I had to choose between jamming and spraining, I'm taking the sprain all day long. Wow. Look at that. It's purple all the way down to my.

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