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Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 4-6-20

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.734.1K Ratings

🗓️ 6 April 2020

⏱️ 70 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Bill rambles about peak week, long drives, and documentaries. 

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 6th, 2020. What's going on?

0:12.0

How, yeah, how's it going? Are you still asymptomatic?

0:20.0

Are you lungs filling up? Where are you at? What is your story that you can share on the Graham?

0:29.0

Hey, big news everybody. Peak week of the pandemic is this week.

0:38.0

Yeah, baby. All right. This is what the fuck we stayed inside for. All right.

0:46.0

This is when the game counts. Oh, yeah, you've been asymptomatic for a month.

0:52.0

You're feeling that God likes you the most. He gave you the Jesus jeans, right?

1:00.0

You're special. Your friend down the street got the sniffles. Now we can't taste his fucking wife's ass when he licks it, right?

1:08.0

And that makes you feel better about yourself.

1:14.0

Well, this is what we separate the men from the boys because you know what? As far as this pandemic goes, it was the fucking regular season.

1:22.0

Now it's the playoffs. This is when everybody has to step up their game. Right?

1:28.0

You got to weigh your mess. You got to have on your gloves. You got to shut off the nose.

1:34.0

And just fucking stay inside. You're at the top of the wave. Right?

1:40.0

You're pecs glistening in the sun. You're on the surfboard. What are you going to do?

1:46.0

You're going to be that guy who fucking falls over the front disappears in the way?

1:52.0

Are you going to be that person that cruises it right to the beach steps off and then gets to play it off like you were never scared?

2:00.0

I want to see with these all these some of the shit that people are coming up with.

2:04.0

I had a buddy mind just as far as like level of panic. He sent me a text message saying, hey, my ex-wife is a nurse.

2:10.0

And she's saying this thing's really going to explode. And she's worried that if all the truckers get it, there's going to be no more food.

2:18.0

So I'm just letting giving you a heads up bro to stock up. Right? And I'm just sitting there.

2:22.0

You know, so there's the initial panic of what he wrote going, fuck.

2:26.0

Thank God I got five pounds of corn beef sitting out in my fucking refrigerator.

...

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