meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 4-11-11

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.734.1K Ratings

🗓️ 11 April 2011

⏱️ 76 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles sports, ghetto sheratons, Upper Darby Philly, and choking women. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, April 11th,

0:07.9

2011, 2011, 2011, whatever the fuck I got to say all this goddamn year.

0:14.6

How the hell are you?

0:16.6

Don't I sound bright eyed and bushy tailed? I'll tell you why.

0:21.6

I'm gonna tell you why right now because I tried to do the podcast last night. I just can't do it on the days I travel.

0:27.5

You know, flew across this country once again from Philly all the way out here and I'm like, all right, it took an early flight 730 in the fucking morning.

0:37.2

I'll land 1030 L.A. time. Somehow I'll take a little old man nap in the afternoon.

0:43.4

You know the old man take a nap. You know what I mean?

0:45.9

Will you lie in the fetal position with your hands in the prayer

0:49.8

prayer pose between your fucking milk white thighs if you're me

0:53.4

sitting there in your BVDs in a t-shirt and black dress socks on faced in towards the cushion. That's an old man nap.

1:04.9

And then somewhere through it you roll over on your back, start breathing out your fucking mouth in and I just

1:13.8

You know, that's what all people doing. They old guys do it right in the fucking living room. So no one can watch TV just

1:20.4

Dominate in the house. Your old man balls just hanging out the side. You're tidy whiteies.

1:29.7

That was the plan. That's what I was gonna do.

1:33.6

Then you always end up getting cold too. I never understood that. If I lie on the couch awake and I'm not moving,

1:40.2

I never get cold. But the second you fall asleep, you get you get you don't chill.

1:45.9

Why? Do you get chilly when you sleep?

1:48.1

I hate myself this week. I'm not even gonna get into this shit. How fucking unfunny I was last night in the podcast. I try to record this

1:59.0

In for like 20 goddamn minutes. To the point, I have to put up one of the outtakes at the end of this. I've never done that.

2:05.3

I want to put up an outtake of me just quitting on a story. I'll put that up at the end. But before I before before I get into the rest of the podcast, ladies and gentlemen,

2:18.3

I got a couple things I have to hype like tonight. For all you people in Los Angeles, I'm gonna be doing a benefit for all the victims of the earthquake slash tsunami.

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from All Things Comedy, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of All Things Comedy and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.