Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, March 18th, 2013. How's it going? How are you?

I'm upstairs in my half a house at this point. They got all the demolition done. I'm gonna have to open the fucking window because it's already too hot in here.

As fucking thing needs to be replaced too. Anybody want to buy a tree fort? I think that's what I bought. I bought a tree fort with fucking wall-to-wall carpet!

Look at the views. If you see the views, all this fucking bullshit everybody told me. You know what? If you ever go to buy a house, this is what I suggest you do. Walk in there wearing a helmet.

Alright, with some safety goggles on. Put those fuckers, put the hole on Sambalon and then have when you have biggest friends just grab you like a battering ram and slam you into the wall of the house.

And have a look around when you come when you come to have a look around you'll be surprised what you find in there.

Alright, if there's nothing in there other than the fucking horseshit you just broke by all means making offer on the house.

Alright, these fucking cock suckin' fucking insurance adjusters. Well, we'll cover everything. Do you know these dickheads?

I had like fucking wood in the walls like those slats that they never have. These cons think they're gonna put plywood and then they're gonna put drywall over the top of that.

And I'm just gonna be like, whoa, that's the same thing, isn't it?

Mr. Bear, we're sorry. You didn't have the premium coverage. If you had the premium coverage and we would have paid for what you're asking.

Now you wouldn't know. You would have found some other fucking reason not to pay me. That's why you're in the big building, isn't it? Huh?

Why do you have a pinky ring? How did you get that? Is there some old woman in a wet house coat trying to figure out how to eat her fucking alpo?

Is that how you got that fucking ring?

You know what's funny? You see insurance adjuster hasn't even come over here yet and I've already been screaming at the windshield of my car because I know what these fucking cons are gonna do.

You know, they did it to the entire city in New Orleans. They're not gonna do it to me. You know, I'm my own little city here.

I don't have any fucking, you know, there's no Sean Penn fucking rowing a boat up to my house coming to rescue me. Is there?

You know, I don't think there is. I'm on my own. You know what? That's fine. I don't need anybody.

I've already resigned myself to the fact that I am gonna fucking not only restore this goddamn fucking cock suck in fucking room. Sorry guys.

I'm in a mood here. I am gonna fucking I'm gonna make I'm gonna make it even better. Okay, that's what I'm doing.

I don't give a shit. If I have to do stand up gigs in and I don't know one of those apartheid countries in front of a fucking dictator like Beyonce did.

Shaken her fucking perfectly round ass on New Year's Eve. You think I'm above that? I'll do it the fucking day after Thanksgiving.

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