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Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 2-21-11

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.734.1K Ratings

🗓️ 2 February 2011

⏱️ 56 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about whores, bankers, and drumming See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it is the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 21st, 2011.

0:10.0

I can't say that, 2011. 2011. 2011.

0:15.0

If fucking tongue gets stuck to the roof of my mouth. 2011. Say, um, yes, what is up? It's Sunday afternoon.

0:25.0

I am doing this podcast because I am, I am committed to finally getting these things up Monday morning all around the world, unless you live in Japan.

0:33.0

But if you live in Japan, you can't understand what the fuck I'm saying, unless you're a US troop in your station, over there.

0:39.0

At which point, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. All right.

0:43.0

What am I supposed to do? Nobody in Australia complains in this 17 hours ahead of me. So stand down, son.

0:51.0

I have a big day ahead of me. The NBA All Star game is, is, is fucking at the staple center.

0:59.0

Staple center, home of the Los Angeles Lakers and their 11 championship banners and then that one banner with all those ones from the BBA.

1:12.0

So anyways, you got to be saying to yourself, hey, Bill, you're a big sports fan. Are you going to go to the game? Yes, I am.

1:20.0

I am going to go to the game. Can you fucking believe it? Kind of came out of nowhere. All of a sudden I had a hookup. Somebody came through with the ticket.

1:29.0

And I said, apps of fucking loot. Somebody I know came through with the fucking ticket for the entire All Star weekend.

1:35.0

Yesterday for the three-pointer contest and the Duncan contest, he said it starts at 5.30.

1:41.0

I'm like, fuck, I'm flying back from New Jersey. I land right about six and the guy's like, just come on over. You'll get to catch the last half of it. I said, great.

1:51.0

I go to get on my flight. Here, you're very full flight. People, if you could not stand in the aisle, could you just kind of find your seats so we can expedite the fucking plumber blow the tarmac.

2:04.0

I'm sitting there going, let's go people. Come on. Sit down. Sit down. Let's go. I finally got a hookup. Let's do something to get this bitch off the ground.

2:13.0

And one of the first thing that they say, I'm praying.

2:16.0

For a nice 200 mile an hour tailwind or whatever the fuck I need to shave off a half hour of the sun of a bitch. And one of they say they say we have a very phone flight and a capping got on and he starts talking about how there's some fucking biblical level headwind that's going to slow down the plane.

2:35.0

But we can try to make up the time and a different altitude didn't happen. They always they always say that this fucking flight is going to be about six hours and 15 minutes.

2:46.0

All right, it doesn't take that takes about five and a half hours with the usual goddamn headwind. Okay, but they say six hours and 15 minutes just in case there's a delay.

2:55.0

You know, take off or landing or whatever they can still say that they're on time. And if there's no delay, then they can be like, we got you in here about 20 minutes early.

3:05.0

Like we can't do the fucking math like we don't know what they're doing.

...

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