Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 10th, 2015. How's it going? How are you?

I'm back in the USA. I just landed at JFK a couple of hours ago and I've been trying to get this fucking thing done by my Olympus LS-10.

That I bought like six, seven fucking years ago and finally died. I think it finally died after a trip around the world.

The old girl couldn't take it. You know, she went quietly, quietly in the night.

Anyways, I'm psyched to be back. I had a great time. I'm just a whirlwind tour around the world. I don't even know where the fuck I am right now and I don't even know what time it is.

Yeah, I do. It's 5.53 p.m. East Coast time. According to my little fucking little iPad thing here.

Ah, shit. I don't know what to tell you guys. What the fuck do you want for me? You know, all you cunts out there who gave me shit because the podcast is so late this week.

All right, you didn't have the fucking decency. Did you? To go onto my website and maybe have a little bit of empathy. You'd be like, oh, oh, that's why that's why it's late. He's flying back from Mumbai, India.

Fucking three hours to Dubai another fucking 13 hours on the goddamn plane and some douche missed their connection when we were in Dubai and their plane was on their plane. Their bag was on the plane.

So they don't let the cunt on the plane yet. They spend 15 minutes trying to find or 20 minutes trying to find the fucking bag and they take it off the plane. It's like at that point, why don't you just let the asshole on the plane.

So we can all get out of here, right? I mean, that's what I was doing. We know when I used to run an airline, that's how I did it. So I don't know what's going on with United Arab Emirates.

Emirates, whatever the fuck the airline is that I flew. Anyways, first of all, before I get going, thank you to everybody came out to my shows in India, China, Singapore, whatever the fuck I was this week.

It was my first trip to fucking Asia. And I had a great time. I did not get cain in Singapore. I didn't have any secret police in China.

And no religious crazy people got me when I was in India. You know, so I survived it. Singapore was great. China was great. I don't fucking know what to tell you. Let's just talk about India.

All right, first and foremost, the second you get to India, this is what you're going to see. Mumbai, India, you are going to see the greatest drivers and J walkers you've ever seen in your fucking life.

I've never seen just complete fucking chaos when it comes to driving like, like I saw in India. And even like the old people were good at J walking, what killed me, they never changed their gate.

I guess gate is that running whatever whatever fucking speed they were walking when they step down in traffic, they just stepped out and just kept walking at the same pace.

The traffic never sped up, never slowed down. Nobody got hit. It was unreal. I've never been in the back of a cab so many times going, what watch it, watch it, watch it.

And just nobody slows down. Nobody speeds up. Everybody just keeps doing what they're doing. It's like it was like watching Chevy Chase and catty check when he's fucking puttin barefoot.

No, no, no, no, no, no, that's how they fucking do it.

Definitely the most insane, craziest coolest country I've ever been to was definitely at least that city man. That was, it was something else.

It was really cool. You know, first you freak out, you know, when you show up and we landed there like midnight and you know, we showed up to the hotel and there's a guy with like a machine gun and somebody checking for bombs underneath the fucking car, you know, which creep me out at first.

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