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Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 12-1-14

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.832.8K Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2014

⏱️ 72 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Bill rambles about Black Friday, Gone Girl and talks with Rose Bowl Tailgate Legend Jason Lawhead.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday.

0:05.9

December 1st, 2014, the final month of 2014. You know, did you have a good one?

0:15.3

You didn't? Well, it's too late. Actually, it isn't too late. You can get D.

0:20.8

a fucking, you had two minute offense. You know, the final fucking month of

0:26.3

year, you could have fucked up this entire year and you could bring it all home. All

0:31.1

those disgusted looks you got from your family members over the Thanksgiving weekend.

0:35.9

You could turn it all around in the final, you got 31 days. The most possible days

0:42.7

you can get in the fucking white man's calendar. I don't know what works over there.

0:48.6

The Chinese calendar or the Native American calendar. But all you get in our

0:54.2

world is 31 days. That's it. All right. You get 31 fucking days to turn it around.

0:59.6

What are you going to do? Huh? You're going to go out and go shovel the fucking driveway.

1:04.6

What are you going to do to make it up? It gives a fuck, right? At this point, at this

1:10.1

point, you kind of tap out, right? You just like, I'm losing on points. I didn't

1:14.1

get knocked out. I'm just going to hang on for the final fucking three minutes and

1:17.3

whatever. I'll live to fight another day. It starts in January. It starts January.

1:22.6

I'm going to join a gym. I'm going to quit smoking. I'm going to dump this broad. I'm

1:28.8

going to fucking get a better lubricant when I jerk off. You make all those promises

1:33.8

to yourself, right? And then you end up, once again, looking back on a year, right? On

1:39.6

December 1st, going, what the fuck happened? I'm another year older. What did I do? You

1:43.1

know what you did? You got no stick to it. And if I can't even say that word, stick

1:47.2

to it if this just pick one. You know, I'm going to try to stop watching porn. I've

1:53.0

already gone like four or five days. And I got to tell you, I don't miss it. I don't

...

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