What up ladies, I'm Lisa Billieu and you're listening to Women of Impact. Alright, raise your hand if you've ever felt like your pleasure was an afterthought, or even freaking worse, that it was actually not even something you even considered, all together. Damn, so many of us grew up learning that pleasure was selfish, that seduction is just the movies and that the intimacy is only about making someone else happy and pleasurable. Not yourself. Now today we are absolutely flipping that damn script and putting your delight, front and damn center exactly where it belongs. And today we have an award-winning author and mythologist, Seema and And on the show, a woman who's on a damn mission top every single one of us ladies for more confident, more connected, and more pleasure and powerful than ever before. We're talking about ancient wisdom, real life tactics and what it actually looks like when us women remember who the hell we are. That's right, this episode is going to break every damn wall that you thought you knew about what makes a woman irresistible, and here's what we're getting into. The shift from seduction as a thing you do to a state of mind and how owning your quirks, your age box, your birthmarks, all the things you actually insult, how honoring those can actually become part of building your confidence and exam superpower. We also talk about why so-called lovers quarrels are actually good for the relationship and a key to seduction. Guys, this blew me away, but you can argue with 10,000-year-old plus scripture that talks about how to love make with a spark. I can argue with that, and that's where lovers quarrel comes in. Then we go into tactical play by play from the karma sutra to build real intimacy ask for what you want and what you don't want and ditch the shame when it comes to pleasure. Ladies if you're tired of putting yourself last and you're ready to truly feel alive and own your sexuality by the end of this episode you'll know exactly how to break free from that boring routine and an insecure voice that just keeps repeating over and over that you're not special. Well by the end of it we're going to break all of that. This is where you become your most captivating, most sensual self. So let's get into it right here on Women of Impact. As the patron saint of Plesia and author of the artisate doctrine, please answer the question every single woman saint really wants to know what makes a woman irresistibly seductive. So this is one of those things that I discovered a long time ago that seduction is not an event. Seduction is a state of mind, it's how I feel about myself. Let's take something as simple as the aid spots on my face, right? You go through life being told that that's a blemish, that's a spot, that doesn't look right. That's not okay. I have a birthmark here on my cheek. I wanted to go into hotel management and was thrown down by the best institute in India at that time because they said you have a mark on your face and we couldn't possibly put you in front of our clients like that. And sometimes it takes as much as that to understand that you are not fabulous because somebody else thinks so you're fabulous because you think so. So I'd actually love to go through. I've got a list from your book of some of the great tactical things that women can do for us to start feeling really freaking good that we can show up and be irresistibly seductive. So, I'd love to go through a few of you here again. All right. So, I want to start with lovers quarrel because I did not expect this to be on the list of ways to be seductive. So, I've got a quote of yours. nothing goes a relationship like the tedium of unremitting sweetness.

So taught. to be on the list of ways to be seductive. So I've got a quote of yours, nothing kills a relationship like the tedium of unremitting sweetness. So talk to me about why love is quarrel is actually good for seduction. So according to the councillor, every single couple, the basis of the love is quarrel should be that you have a really good relationship between you, where a fight happens you know that it should finish well. So it's got to be between people who actually have a good relationship together. After a little while it does become a little like yeah it's sweet it's nice you know and so it says that every now and then it has to be shaken up

It's supposed to be good for you. Yeah, and so the concept says that

Lovers should quarrel every now and then to shake up their energy and

I love how it says that you so there are rules around lovers quarrels. Oh, yeah

So basically the woman is the one who has to have the tantrum, and the man has to the making up. Oh, yeah. That sounds pretty on point if I'm going to talk you in. Well, it shouldn't be about, yin, yin, yin, yin, yin, it's like all out. Shouts, green, throw things, break things. Anything you want, except you are not allowed to run out of the house. Okay, you don't leave, okay?

And there's two reasons for that. One is that if you run out and he doesn't follow you immediately, that kind of defeats the purpose. It kind of ruins the basically screen. And the man's role in this is to make up. And this thing is not supposed to be like, okay, well I said, sorry, how many times do you, no, but you keep saying, I'm sorry, you keep making up till she is ready to get past it. Oh, okay. And the author of the comes, which he says, is that the thing is, is that the way that women's brains function is that it's like you put up with all of that. You listened to me. It made me feel so special. It made me feel so safe and heard. And seen, I love you ten times more. And it says the way that the male brain functions. It wouldn't have the same impact if it was the other way around. Oh, interesting. And that's why it has to be that way around. That's why it has to be that way around. So the term used is that he has to fall at her feet at the end of it, but it's not because like, okay, I'm falling at your feet to say sorry. That was a metaphor for makeup sex. So then you made luck back then. It wasn't like today where you kind of wash off your make-up and you get into your own night and you turn the lights off. You got dressed for love making. Oh, oh, it's the opposite. You got dressed for love making. It was something special. And maybe you didn't do it every single time, but when you wanted to make it special, you got dressed up for it. It's got 16 ways of ornamentation, the sword ashring out. But you know, you got your makeup on, you got your perfume on, you have your flowers on because there was certain piece of jewelry that you would wear for lovemaking. And you would always finish with putting alta, it's like a red paste at the soles of your feet. Because in a lot of the positions that they recommend, even though they're not acrobatic positions, the feet end up here on the man's shoulders a lot. A man would only take a woman's feet to his head if they were lovers. So you basically end with makeup sex. So the idea of the lover's quarrel is that you have this blow out. Every now and then you need a blow out. Clear away the cobwebs and then you make love. Passionate, wonderful love. What about the couples where that goes to an extreme? Where it's not a quarrel, it's an owl and owl blow up screaming. And now the makeup sex is just almost bypassing the argument. It's sweeping all the problems under the rug in order to end on something that's grand. This is where people then take the not so nice bits and mistake it for emotion or sensation. So they actually take that intensity, convert it into sensation and that then becomes worse and worse. So the rules hence are extremely important. As you were describing the woman blowing off steam, now imagine if it was reversed, right? The man is shouting blowing off steam and then the woman apologizes. You'd be like, that's a toxic relationship, get out. Yeah. All right. So, next one I want to go to is Love Bites. So quote from your book, The Conner's Future is the only text in the world that describes love bites in terms of romance. You know when I first discovered this, I was just so excited by this whole idea. So, okay, I think I should start by saying that what I love about the counsellor. Now the counsellor's written approximately 2,000 years ago at a time when we didn't even look at feminism like we'd look at it today. It's an incredible book in how it centers the woman's pleasure. It actually centers the woman's pleasure and it says that if the woman is fully pleasureed, the man will receive more pleasure. That's how a relationship goes forward. Now, what it is trying to do is change the vocabulary of pleasure. So before I answer your bit on Lovebites, actually in the introduction, Watsya, in whose the author of the council says in the introduction, he says, the thousands of years, men have realized that they can get pleasure very easily. You know, quick ejaculation, quick erection, it's very possible. Now we come in and say, oh, it might take two hours

for the woman to find her pleasure. Why should they make that effort? It's hard work. It's very hard. Oh, that's a good question, yeah. Yeah, very hard work. Why should they do that? He says, you've got to make it aspirational for the man. Okay. So telling him, oh, your pleasure will be better. better like, why does he care? He's getting his pleasure. That's all he knows. He's like,

I'm okay with this. Why? To my plate. Absolutely. This bit is good enough. I'm enjoying it. Why go further? But he says, you tell them that actually, if you can pleasure your woman fully, your business will do better. Oh. No, that's the one. They can't's them all. Business does better. You know, that's fascinating, right? And that's literally what they did. So that's what he says. He says your business will do better. He says you will become a better warrior. Oh, see that I get, right? It's like because a war is so associated with alpha, masculinity, dominance, power. Not so Oh, no, it says that if you can actually learn in bed how to bring something new, something exciting, a little nuance to this exact same thing every single time, that's a skill that you carry to the battlefield. When you come across your enemy, now you're thinking two thousand years ago, battlefields, bows and arrows, it's a very typical way of fighting battles. So you have the same thing happening every single time, and you can understand how to change that effort so slightly to take your opponent by surprise. That gives you the advantage. You learn and bet you learned while making love. How to bring that slight nuance, that slight bitter difference. To conquer the boredom, to conquer the anger. If you can change that there, that's the skill that you bring to the battlefield. Wow! And so that was the way to get them to want to pleasure women. To that extent, they were all we needed. Yeah. Quit pause my homie, but when we come back, Seema is about to reveal the rule from the Commissue Tra that gives every woman total agency in the bedroom. You don't want to miss this. Trust me, coming up next. The last thing you need is the stress of scrambling to find help during a home emergency. And that's why home serve makes so much sense. They offer plans that help protect against covered repairs for things like plumbing, electrical issues and HVAC breakdowns because regular home owners and insurance usually doesn't actually cover any of those wear and tears. So when something goes wrong, you can call home serves 24-7 hotline to start the repair process. Planans start at just $4.99 a month. So go and protect your home systems and your wallet with home serve. Go to homeserve.com to find the plan that's right for you. That's homeserve.com. Not available everywhere and most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month, your first year, and yes of course terms apply

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Oh. Yeah, it's very big on dental hygiene. Oh, really? Because if you have that bad dental hygiene, you're not even allowed to give love bites to your lover. It would bring shame on you. Yeah. I think it's the only ancient text on erotica that's actually talked about dental hygiene, which I think is pretty amazing. I hadn't come across in a ago as well. Yes. And so particular about how your mouth must smell, because in those days there were no toothbrushes, so people reduced twigs to clean their teeth with. It tells you that your family priest has to go and pick those twigs in the light of such and such a moon, from such and such a tree. This was really important if you were going to be a lover. Bad smell, there is no place or bad smells in the world of seduction. Wow! So it says that you couldn't just give love bites, it was a skill that had to be learnt. And the most desirable lover was the one who could give this love bite called the Bindu Mala. Now this is where you give your partner a love bite, which is so tiny that it's literally the size of a sesame seed. And then you have to kind of make a roof of them almost like an necklace. What this was meant to do was this is what they would you do for four players. If the man is taking so much trouble to get his love by its right, he has totally distracted his erection has gone down. He's not necessarily gonna come immediately. He's holding back for longer automatically, whereas the woman is getting that closeness, she's getting the feel of his hands, his lips, his teeth, and her desire is rising. Wow! Yeah, I think that's a great technique. Wow! Okay, so a man doing it to a woman is a way for him not to get off too quickly and to help build the woman up. Yeah, and it says that these instructions are for people who don't know how to begin, who don't know what to do, who don't know how it should be taken forward. So this is a great stepping stone for them. Is there any way where it can become these little nibbles, the size of a sesame seed that actually like is tan you on versus it's now painful and it's more sadistic and more nefarious, then it is beautiful and seductive? So there's this wonderful point where it says that it says to a woman that if your partner's biting too hard, you tell them to stop. And if they don't listen, you tell them again. So you tell them twice, then they don't listen. You turn them over, you pin them down, you bite them back twice as hard till they stop. That's the one. Well, you know, the idea was it's giving you agency. The Kamisu is actually a very sedate book. Most people think of it as this wild book on sex. It's not. It's a really sensible book. And it's a book about building up pleasure in order to sustain your lives together. No, that's nice. Because they did believe that if two people can share mutually pleasurable intimacy, that relationship becomes stable. Yeah? And if all the relationships start to become stable, society becomes stable. And when society becomes stable, the kingdom becomes stable. And I always say, when we talk about this, we're doing this for national security. Oh, yeah. That needs to be their marketing strategy. Absolutely. Look at the situation we're in with the world right now. We need love-making. For peace to reign, for society societies to be stable. I feel like you're the

patron saint of pleasure. There she is. All right, so if you bite too hard, flip him over and buy him harder. Yeah, I love it. I mean, like with BDSM when people talk about that and they think that it's about, it's not. It's a different form of feeling pleasure. It's a form of showing somebody that you care for deeply and this is about caring and loving and looking after each other and making sure that they have pleasure in a really safe, controlled environment in the way that they like it. That's what I was going to say. You'd really have to trust your partner to be able to let go that much in order to feel safe and still enjoy it. And so these things were made aspirational. It sort of said, well, you know, word gets around that you are this good. You become a more desirable lover. All right. Now let's go to another one that you say, erotic nerves. There are 24 nerves that run through the human body that cause erotic excitement. 24! Well, yes, there is. According to them, 24, that's called G-spots. Just think of the potential. And if all you're going to do, if all you're going to do is literally just in and out. Yes, you know, where even how you thrust can have a million different ways. But all you're going to do is to you have the capacity to miss every single one of those points of pleasure pleasure. You had me at 24 g-spots That makes so much sense and I love I mean how freaking wise 2,000 years ago they're talking about it and on 46 and I was taught up and down yeah in and out Yeah, yeah up and down in and out and you're done. I mean even the ancient Chinese Everybody has different ways of trusting where it's literally like okay in and out and you're done. I mean, even the ancient Chinese, everybody has different ways of

trusting, where it's literally like, okay, in and out like a bucking horse or side to side, round and round, like that, the round and round is supposed to be the best kind of trusting ever. Or way you found a 46, I've never heard that before. Oh god, you have to. Well, I wouldn't try to know it. Thanks, Emma. Literally, it's called the month and the churning. Interesting, fascinating. All right. I would like to now move on to, let's go to Pelletalk. So great conversation is the ultimate tool for seduction. Yes. I'm always blown away by the fact that 2000 years ago, they could tell you this. We still don't know it. We know the word communication, right? It's a big part of our vocabulary. We don't know what it means, but yeah, it's a big, we don't communicate and what communication means. Exactly. So it says that when you come to make love, you are bringing your entire day with you. Oh, yes. Let's be real. You sit down and you say, okay, should we have sex tonight, darling? But your head is still full of where you went, what you ate, who you met up with, what emails you sent, the ones you didn't send, did I make my list of two dues for tomorrow? Is that mostly women? I personally think that Guy's carried that as well. Oh, really? Yeah all bring our day with us. It's there in the back of your mind. And so it says that before you make love, before you even start your foreplay, before you even start the kissing, you sit down together and you gossip. No, gossip! You gossip? Are you telling each other the naughty stories, raunchy stories, or gossipy stories? Basically anything that's going to make you go, oh, angel, like almost like the shock and awe. Yeah, they do. Yeah, that kind of thing. And the idea here is that that then makes you forget everything else and you're suddenly present with each other. And when you're present with each other, you start from there. Every evening, before I go to bed, me and my husband sit and watch funny videos on wheels for 30 minutes. Now, it doesn't lead to sex, at least a bedtime, but it's our connection. Yeah, absolutely. I always say that you cannot, okay, most of us cannot be having sex every day. And you can't be having wild sex every day. And I always say that if you want to maintain your connection, one of the most important things which I don't feel people forget is just the touch of each other's skin. Oh, yes. Just knowing how good it feels to hold each other's skin to skin, to just be in each other's arms and chat. Not sexy talk. Just ordinary talk, this is what I did during the day, this is what I cooked, this is where I met, that was terrible watching funny videos together, whatever. Because if you can laugh together, oh my god, that's amazing. But doing all that, just holding each other because that's the one thing we forget. I think it's just so important to have cuddle time, naked cuddle time, that does not lead to sex, but naked cuddle time in order to discuss your day's work. Be amazed at the kind of bonded buildup.

When I first started trying this, I'd put a timer on for 15 minutes. And I couldn't wait for it to finish because I'd be like, OK, fine, this is my time with you now. All right, let me get back to my day. And then gradually you get to this point where you're like, actually quite enjoy this. Yeah, I can go a little bit longer. This is quite nice. What we need to do is just build bonds and those bonds are very easily shattered, especially

in today's world. That's one thing that really worries me, SEMA, is that you've got these couples where they're just dealing with daily life. And you've got bills and now the war and things that are going on and unemployment and there's so many things. In those moments you're almost like you're trying to stay alive, right? And so a lot of couples just go into like fix it mode and they actually put aside the intimacy and that those 15 minutes of communication. And so they you end up going so far down a path for so long you end up having bed death where you're no're no longer sleeping together, you're not even really friends. And that honestly is the thing that I fear for most people. Yeah, most people. So let's say someone has already been not communicating with their partner. Is it fairly easy to start adopting this practice and just say, let's make it a habit for a certain amount of time and then you can stop building it back. Absolutely. So long as I think one of the rules I would put down here is that it is not about, it's not going to lead to sex. You must say this is 15 minutes of just us time, not leading to sex and just try it. Try it for everything has to be tried for 30 days. Okay. That's what you say, oh, I just cannot deal with it. Maybe it doesn't happen every day. It happens as much as you possibly can. And let it be comfortable time. And it really does help. I promise you it helps. I promise you. The next thing I would suggest is that twice in the week you cook together. Oh, interesting. Cooking specifically. Not cleaning or tidying up. No, cooking together. It's almost like relationship for play. Yeah, just that little listing of how I get my husband to cook then. Just him it's relationship for me that's it I'm holding on to you don't know I said yeah I'm holding on to you darling why do you do the cooking yeah that's it and I also understand that when your kids are very young you cannot you cannot even Sather and that you can get that time in and it is interesting because my daughter in law said to said to me, they've just had a little baby. Congratulations! Yes, oh my god, I'm such a disottied grandmother, I had to say. But the baby is now almost 11 months old and she said to me a few months ago, she said, you know, the one thing nobody said to me is the toll it takes on your relationship because suddenly you're not a couple anymore, you're just parents. Oh, there's also, I mean, pillow talk also has the endosex chat if you. Oh, come on, what's the endosex chat? Hold type because coming up, Seema and And is about to drop a truth bomb about why so many women end up craving anything but sex and why they end up celebrating, not having sex, the answer

will shock you and it's heartbreaking. But this is where we make the change. All right guys, we are back so let's dive right back into the conversation. So the gumswits are then goes further to say that when you finish with sex, now Now that's the time for more communication because for a lot of men possibly they think that if they ejaculate that's the end of the orgasm for them and they're done. For women it's very much about how they finish. For most of us any experience is either the high point you know like I't know, you watch a film and something that you absolutely love, or the way it finishes. Oh, you're right. Yes. And for a lot of women, the orgasm becomes more special depending on how they finish, if they have orgasm during penetration, which not everybody does. So the Kamsutra again says that when you finish with sex, initially when you finish, you have to, you know, a lot of us don't realize this, but passion is not something you can sustain continuously. You get to a point, you have to start, you have to get there again.

You can't just stay on that high forever. So it says, you go off, you clean up, you come back together and that's when you share a meal. That's when you eat because you never have food before you have sex. Oh, God, yeah, no. Especially as a woman. Yeah. But even a guy., because you know, your body can only send blood down to do one thing. It can either use its energy to digest the food or to feed the erection. Oh, that's so true. I literally was thinking like as a woman you're bouncing in your food in your stomach, you kind of go sick. I'm floating and loathing. Yeah, I mean,'s that too. So you can't, you can't feel excited and bouncing around. Oh, that's such a good idea. So you eat after or give it enough between your meal and your lot of making. So many people go for these fabulous candlelight dinners and the flirting is amazing and the conversation is so exciting and then the sex is not because you're like, oh, it didn't quite match up to, yeah, what I thought. So what type of conversations usually are best at often? So at this point, you're supposed to have sweet gentle conversations. Something that makes you think, oh, I'm so glad that we made love. Again, we all have busy nights. I know it can't be done every single time, but if you can actually spend a little bit of time after penetrative sex. And I say that carefully because not everybody comes during penetrative sex for a lot of women, we don't. I think that I can only count twice in all my years. Oh, that I had actually come with the energy of sex. Well done, I'm zero. Oh, okay. Well, you haven't do well to go. Yeah, I'm 60 years. So you'll get a few more years. Just practice. Yeah, you'll get that. Because I had got to a point in my sex life where I was, I could never come with that. It should become a bit of a chore. You're like, I don't want to do this anymore. It's boring. It's a chore. It's nothing in that for me. Why am I bothering with this? And you're literally like, don't want to do it. And you can't wait to finish. And the guy kind of knows that as well. Yeah.

And he feels it.

And my husband had got to this point where he was saying, well, you know, you're not even participating. And I wasn't. Yes. I was just like, yeah, whatever. Get on with it. You know, it was, we got to that point. And then you're very seductive. Not very seductive. And gradually you think I just don't want to do it anymore.

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