Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bail of Jesse Thorne. This week, Mayo It Please the Court.

Jacqueline brings the case against her husband, Brandon. Brandon loves sauce. He says sauce is one of his major food groups.

But Jacqueline says, Brandon's stockpile takes up too much space in their fridge.

Actual major food groups like vegetables can't fit. And yet, Brandon keeps buying more sauce.

Jacqueline wants to put a cap on the sauce count. Who's right, who's wrong, only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

I'm Lewis the Lifeguard, and I'm happy to say I rescued a drowning potato today.

They drowned it in sour cream.

Oh, what a shame.

Because food's so much better when it's

practically plain. Baylor, Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in. Brandon, Jacqueline, please

rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the

truth? So help you, God, or whatever. I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite his obvious bias given his inherent

sauciness?

Yes, I do.

I do.

He's a saucy jay for judge.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Sorry, I was too busy thinking about all my favorite sauces.

Mayonaze, derky sauce.

Oh, Arthur Bryant's barbecue sauce from Kansas City with lard in it.

Sorry.

...