Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week,

Breaches of Contract. Gabby brings the case against her husband, Mike. Mike wears the same cargo

pants every day. He says one pair is all he needs. Gabby disagrees.

She believes a person needs at least two pairs of pants.

It's science.

But Mike says he's too tired in the morning to think about what to wear.

One pair of pants is easy.

Who's right, who's wrong?

Only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

Hey, David, instead of living with your parents, why don't you just try sleeping in one of your cargo shorts pockets?

Bill of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

Mike Gabby, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

So help you, God, or whatever?

I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he's wearing

two pairs of pants right now?

I do.

I do.

Judge Hodgman, I no longer know what the premise of those little jokes is.

You may proceed.

...