If you have it, you don't need it. If you need it, you don't have it. If you have it, you need more of it.

If you have more of it, you don't need less of it. You need it to get it. And you certainly need it to get more of it.

But if you don't already have any of it to begin with, you can't get any of it to get started, which means you really have no idea how to get it in the first place.

Do you? You can share it, sure. You can even stockpile it if you'd like, but you can't fake it, wanting it, needing it, wishing for it.

The point is, if you've never had any of it, ever, people just seem to know.

Yes, indeedy, dottily do. Hey, Frendos, welcome to a Friday afternoon edition of TVTL. The show that's probably too beautiful to live.

You know, this show is like a dynasty. You hold it, and then you hand it off to the next person.

Well, in the meantime, I'll be your host. My name is Luke Burbank. This is episode 510 in a collector's series coming to you from the beautiful city of Chicago, Illinois, located on the banks of Lake Michigan.

It's the windy city, the second city. I'm at the Chicago club where they have me stay when I'm in town doing weight weight, don't tell me.

This is a crazy, crazy spot. It's very old world. It's very beautiful inside, but it's also a lot like where they filmed the shining.

In that there are lots of oil paintings of things that happened in the 1920s, and if I was staying here with Shelley Duval, I would probably try to murder her.

So it's a lot like that place. We have a fun show in store for you this afternoon.

Like I said, I'm in Chicago doing weight weight, don't tell me. We taped it last night, and I can't really tell you how it turns out.

I think that'd be some kind of a breach of my contract with them if I told you how the show ended the day before the show aired nationally.

But I can say that it was a tough, tough competition last night.

And you know, the thing with weight weight, don't tell me. For those of you that haven't heard it, it's a kind of news quiz game that airs national public radio stations over the weekend.

I've never cared about winning it. I've always thought that the goal of being on weight weight, don't tell me, was to be hilarious.

But the last two times that I've been on, I've gone into the final round of the game, an overwhelming leader.

I've been up by so many points that the scorekeeper, Carl Castle, has remarked that it would take some kind of miracle for the other people to beat me.

And both times that this has happened, the last two times I've been on, the other person, the first time it was an advice columnist named Amy Dickinson,

and then the most recent time was a gossip columnist named Roxanne Roberts, both times.

The person that I'm facing has in fact managed to pull off a miracle comeback and beat me by one point.

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