Hello everyone and welcome to the Bitch Bible podcast.

If you're watching the video, you're betraying me.

Still haven't gotten this room together. Still have the dead Kentia Palm. Looking just as disgusting as ever in my Ross dress for less,

Vera Bradley robe a la not 2016, but 2006. In today's edition of Jackie, would you rather take a bath with your

Nutra Bullet or your Theragun Pro? I think I'm going to opt for the Nutra Bullet. It's just

like less useful to me. So I would like to give you a rundown of my day thus far. And then

we're going to get into all of the atrocities of the week, including the 2016

trend, which makes me want to double up on the Nutra Bullet and the Therogun Pro and the

toaster and the microwave and take a long bath, okay, with ankle weights on.

Anywho, so this morning I went to a med spa, okay? And I have been getting

served a lot of aesthetic improvement content. And probably because for the last two and a half months, I have been talking nonstop

about, you know, threads and chin filler and cool sculpting and anything under the Tuscan

Sun that I can get my inflated little hands on to make myself more attractive because, listen, I've never been happier,

but I've also never been less attractive. Okay. Is it the three and a half hairs I have left

on my head? Maybe. Is it the ever-present semi-valley adjacent roots that I'm dealing with? Like,

I get my hair colored the next morning. I look fresh out of

Pekoyma. I don't know what that means, but, and like riddled with grays. Is it the fact that I

haven't gotten Botox in so long, which I'm going next week for? Thank God. Is it the extra

12 and a half pounds I can't seem to shake? Is it lifestyle? Is it environmental? Is it nature versus nurture?

Or am I just having a great time? We don't know. Okay. But regardless, complaining is my religion.

And all I talk about is ways that I cannot change my lifestyle at all and just throw money at a problem. So with that,

I've been getting served a lot of like upper blef, chin implant, like nurse aesthetician telling me

...