Hiya, this is episode five of six in a short minisode series for my new book, Let Go,

which is only available to purchase until August 5th.

I've spent a lot of my life trying to be good.

Good daughter, good relative, good girl, good author, good student, good mother, good

everything. I thought if I just worked hard enough, said yes enough, smiled enough, didn't mess up

too much, I'd get the result. I'd finally feel enough. But illness, burnout, feeling a bit low.

The agent who said you're just not wanted here.

Conflict, criticism, estrangement, despite doing my utmost best.

And I realized, you know what, no amount of good girling or striving or effort is going to protect me for disappointment.

I realized I was only trying in the way I did, only trying to be,

you know, good, even when I didn't realize it, because I'd learned to feel unworthy. But I'd also

learned that if I achieved enough, if I pleased enough, if I did what people expected, that maybe,

just maybe it would make up for everything that happened in Chartered, if I did what people expected, that maybe, just maybe, it would make up for

everything that happened in childhood, that I would finally be enough.

Not push, push, pushing and try, try, trying, so hard can feel like a kind of death, because

slowing down forces you to face the truth.

Why did I start pushing so hard in the first place?

Why am I always efforting?

And once you see the truth, something shifts.

Life starts to feel easier,

in ways you hadn't even realized you'd made it hard for yourself.

Letting go isn't giving up.

...