Hey there, this is episode four of six in a short mini-sode series for my new book, Let Go,

which is only available to purchase until August 5th.

The last time I saw my mother, I wasn't surprised by what she said.

I'd seen it all before, the accusations, the twisted logic, the emotional violence

dressed up as love. But this time, something broke open, not because she was worse than usual,

but I let go of any last vestiges of hoping she'd be someone else. That was the real grief,

not a behaviour, not the argument, but the childhood spent trying to earn love that was never available in the way I needed, and the adulthood

spent quietly lowering my expectations, just so I wouldn't have to face the enormity of stepping

away.

We talk about grief like it only shows up when someone dies,

but many of us are walking around with grief that has no funeral,

grieving people who are still alive, or who never truly showed up,

or who never saw us clearly,

grieving the lives we thought we'd lead, the choices we didn't think we'd have to make. There was still a part of me that believed letting go, stepping away,

would make me a bad daughter, in essence, playing into her hands and validating what she's been saying about me all along.

Something that became oh so clear to me, though, was that holding on to even the teeniest bit of

hope that she would change, that I would somehow be able to dodge having to step away

from the relationship, was still casting me myself.

If releasing yourself from a relationship after trying so hard resonates with you,

let go is for you.

Pre-orders close for Let-go on August 5th, and you can purchase it as an e-book or printbook

at poundproject.com.uk. You can find the purchase link wherever you are listening to this

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