Jackie Schimmel: The Bitch Bible & Her Velcro Vagina
Berner Phone
Des Bishop
4.5 • 5.9K Ratings
🗓️ 11 February 2021
⏱️ 58 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jackie is way too comfortable in hell. She discusses why she hates influencer culture, her delusional confidence to drop music when she can't sing, cheating, why her dog smells like yeast, her worst habits, and much more.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | My vagina did seal shut, like an acorn, |
| 0:04.0 | a beautiful, small, fleshy acorn. |
| 0:06.0 | And then I let the wax sit too long, and it was stripless wax, |
| 0:10.7 | and then I stood up. |
| 0:12.0 | So I kind of had my feet in like stir-ups on the floor. |
| 0:15.4 | My husband was gone. |
| 0:17.2 | And then I had to pee, and I got up. |
| 0:20.3 | And the wax had sealed my labia shut, and then when I peed, |
| 0:24.7 | it was like coming out of my ass. |
| 0:40.8 | What is up you guys? I am Hannah Burner, and today we are in hell with the creator |
| 0:46.4 | of the Bible of the Bitches. |
| 0:48.8 | Wait, like that. |
| 0:49.7 | Jackie fucking Shimmel. |
| 0:51.4 | Hi, I've been burning in hell since 1990. |
| 0:54.7 | I can't believe it took me so long to burn in hell with you. |
| 0:58.1 | I'm so happy you're here because I have a little, you know, bio on you, your podcast host, |
| 1:02.1 | producer, writer, good time gal. |
| 1:04.3 | Love it. |
| 1:04.8 | And professional asshole. |
| 1:07.9 | You wrote this. |
| 1:08.8 | Did you get this from the CAA website? |
| 1:11.2 | Because I think it's on there too. |
... |
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