Is “Emotional Safety” Possible? | Winning the Emotional War in Marriage | Part 3
Established Family Podcast
Derek Palizay
5.0 • 585 Ratings
🗓️ 19 March 2026
⏱️ 43 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
“Emotional safety” isn’t what you think it is……and chasing it may be the very thing destroying your marriage.In today’s episode, we confront a hard truth:Your emotions were never meant to lead your marriage.They were meant to be submitted, crucified, and resurrected in Christ.Because when emotions go ungoverned…they don’t just “express pain” — they produce fruit.And scripture is clear:Emotion → Action → FruitIf your marriage feels:— unstable— restless— full of anxiety, fear, or chaos— spiritually dry or disconnected…it is not random.It is the result of spiritual laws at work within the soul.In this episode, we walk through:— Why “emotional safety” is a misinformed and dangerous standard— How ungoverned emotions produce unbelief and unwillingness (Hebrews 3)— Why some spouses cannot receive anything from the Lord (James 1)— The direct connection between your emotional state and the fruit in your marriage— The difference between chaotic emotion and righteous indignation— How chaos manifests spiritually (shame, vengeance, destruction, pride, falsehood)— Why your healing will never come from analyzing your spouse— How to return to God’s design for your soul, your role, and your marriageThis is not a light message.It is a prophetic and scriptural warningfor any spouse who has allowed emotion to take lordship over their soul.Because the truth is:You are not stuck…You are not waiting…You are not powerless…You are either:— producing fruit from the Spirit—or producing fruit from the flesh…and your marriage is revealing which one.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | What's going on, Estabbage Family? Welcome back to the third edition of winning the emotional war in |
| 0:05.3 | marriage. I hope you've been enjoying this series, and I hope you look forward to many more series |
| 0:10.3 | to come as we dive deeper into topics that the Bible so beautifully and in a complete way |
| 0:17.3 | expresses and can add impartation so that way our emotions come into stability and rest |
| 0:22.8 | in this specific case as we dive into this topic. So because we're in the third edition, |
| 0:27.1 | I'm just going to hop right in. I'm going to hop in with a question. What do we do when our marriage |
| 0:32.3 | is not emotionally stable? For some of us, that's an ongoing state. For others of us, it is at inopportune times where |
| 0:40.7 | here and there we have these bouts of instability. What do we do when our marriage is not full of rest? |
| 0:46.4 | It's not restful. Or what the world would call and give language to and say emotionally unsafe. |
| 0:53.3 | In my opinion, the outcome or the goal of being emotionally |
| 0:57.0 | safe in a marriage is one of the more heretical and misinformed conditions that the believer |
| 1:02.8 | should not desire. The only emotions that are safe are those that are dead and resurrected in Christ. |
| 1:09.1 | So the idea that the marriage has to become |
| 1:12.0 | encapsulated by serving the emotional safety of the other person, to me, does not align with |
| 1:18.4 | scripture. If we are doing what the Bible tells us to do, which is our mind, will, and |
| 1:22.9 | emotions, primary objective being dying to itself daily. If you've ever listened to Derek Prince and his teachings, he has since passed, |
| 1:31.5 | but I would arguably say his ministry is just as big now and lives on as it was when it was |
| 1:36.1 | in person, aside from, you know, the physical gatherings. |
| 1:39.2 | But he's known for his study in Greek as well as his outpouring of the Holy Spirit. He was a spirit-filled |
| 1:46.2 | lecturer and studied Greek for 50 plus years. And one of his primary pillars in his teachings |
| 1:51.6 | is that the soul's primary objective, the Suke, is to die to itself every day. And so the |
| 2:00.2 | marriage shouldn't have an outcome of let's be emotionally safe. |
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