What up ladies, it's Lisa Billeu here with another Aing in episode of Women of Impact. And we're today going to talk about the thing that a lot of us don't want to admit. But that is that sometimes we live in a world where we end up trusting people and we end up trusting what people say. And there's nothing, nothing more dangerous than doubting your own damn instincts. And yet us women we end up doing that anyway.

That's exactly why today's episode is exactly what you need to listen to right now.

Because have you ever just known that deep feeling in your gut that someone just is just

there off there, either lying to you, that deceiving you, but you just can't prove it?

Well, today we're diving into how to catch a Master Freakin' Minipulator and why it's so easy for even the smartest of us women to get duped. I'm sitting down with the epic Lena Sisko. She's a former Department of Defense Interrogator whose job was actually to get the truth out of alchideteris, killers and people trained to lie under pressure. Guys, her skill set is just insane. She really is. Literally the real life human lie detector. And in this episode we dive into literally no joke, the kind of tactical truth detecting skills that could keep you from wasting years of your life on the wrong person. And that all begins with being able to spot and identify when someone's deceiving you. So here's what we're going to walk through today. The exact behaviors that scream someone is lying, even if they're looking at you and pretending that you're the crazy one. We also go into how to build trust with anyone in five minutes, freaking flat, so you can actually see who they really are, not just what they want you to believe about them. And then, we dive into the red flags that women miss and the psychological hacks that will keep you three steps ahead so that you never ever get played again. Now ladies, by the end of this episode, you'll have the absolute confidence to trust your instincts, trust your gut, and call out the damn truth every single time. So let's dive in right now right here on Women of Impact. You were trained to detect lies at the highest level as a Department of Defense Interrogator. You were quite in front of Al-Qaeda terrorists, psychopaths and killers. People literally trained to deceive under pressure. And as an interrogator on couples call, you said that within seconds of of meeting a man accused of cheating, you knew he was lying. So what did you see as an expert that his wife completely missed? So the first five minutes of our conversation, I'm baselining his behaviors. And then I get into the interview part. And I asked him the specific question. And immediately with his answer, I was like, oh, Darnell, you're lying to me. And so he started off by saying this, my wife, she's so crazy. She has a GPS tracker on my phone. She has it on my car. She doesn't trust me at all. And I think it's because, well, she gained a little weight. I still love her. But you know, she's lacking in that self-confidence. And I think

that's why she's so crazy now and thinks I'm cheating. I'm like, you just built yourself a perfect alibi. And so when somebody starts off answering a very particular question about a very particular thing, and you go into building an alibi first, we call it a smoke screen, making the Other person or people look crazy and you look like the good guy, the confident guy, the guy with a good moral compass, that's a red flag to me. And so what I did is I didn't cut him off, I listened to his whole story and afterwards I tailored my questions, unanticipated questions, then I knew he hadn't thought of, so it would be really hard to lie to me because... Oh, lying on the... Oh, oh, God. The night in question was he came home with a different shirt. He told me because he was musty and got sweaty so he had to change it. And I said, well, that's interesting because your wife leaves something else. So let me ask you this, Darnell, was there sex smell? And it was a yes or no question on purpose. Was sex smell on that shirt and he just went of course not why would it be sex smell right and I was like hmm because when you ask a yes and no question to a person if they're telling you the truth you're going to get two things you're going to get a simple yes and no with no embellishment and a congruent had not her shake so if I said yes there was sex smell I love that or just Yes, if no, with no embellishment. And a congruent had not her shake. So if I said, yes, there was sex smell. I love that or just yes. If I say no, I love that. But if I hear and see, I would never have sex smell. I wouldn't do that to my wife. No, we have an issue. So it's like overselling and embellishing the answer because a liar's brain is always trying to convince us of a lie. A truth teller's brain doesn't work that way. They're just conveying information. So when you get into that convincing mode, you oversell it yes and no, you over-explain, you add too many unnecessary words, and now this very simple answer has now strong out into a paragraph of nonsense. But I again, I didn't cut him down, I listened, and then I leaned in and I said, don't know. You and I have gotten to know each other. I like you. And you are a really attractive guy and got all embarrassed and smiled. And I said, and you have a personality that's even more attractive to women. And there's something else I found out about you. And now he's leading closer. He's like, what? And I said, well, I know that women are coming up to you. And I also know you're not turning them away. And he just looked at me and just slumped in his body posture. And he told me the truth. And he said, you're right. He's like, I'm a male hoe. Oh my God.

And I, yeah, yeah.

I didn't expect that.

It was very funny.

And I said, well, that's okay. But you probably shouldn't be married. And you probably should have a conversation with a wife about this. And that's how that whole conversation went. Wow. I have so many questions. First of all, when you said you started to kind of give him the compliment.

Yeah.

Didn't he feel like that was bullshit?

Yeah.

Two things.

Number one, I already had his trust.

And I did that in the first five minutes of the conversation.

Never, ever. started to kind of give him the compliment. Didn't he feel like that was bullshit? Yeah, two things. Number one, I already had his trust.

And I did that in the first five minutes

of the conversation.

Never, ever enter into a conversation or in my line of work and interview without getting someone's trust first. That is step number one. If you can't get step number one, step number two, get in the truth, we'll never happen. It's a waste of time and I tell people when I train interrogation and interviewing,

focus all your effort up front.

So because I got the trust, I created psychological safety for him. There is no consequence for him telling me the truth. But the other thing is, it wasn't like I badgered him. I let him break on his own time. Never ever. When you know someone is lying to you,

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