Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylif Jesse Thorn. This week, Hunter Gavviller.

Claire brings the case against her husband, Brian. They've just bought a piece of property

in the country and look forward to rest and relaxation there.

Brian wants to do a little hunting on the property. Claire wants to keep it a place of peace.

Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters

the courtroom.

Life is for the strong to be lived by the strong and if needs be taken by the strong.

The weak of the world were put here to give the strong pleasure. I am strong. Why should

I not use my gift? If I wish to judge, why should I not? I judge the scum of the earth,

scholars from tramp ships, men who kill bats by smashing them with books, grown children

who park on their parents' lawns, people who leave change for housekeepers as tips and

hotels who are worse leave nothing at all. A thoroughbred horse or hound is worth more

than a score of them. Baylif Jesse swear them in.

Please rise and raise your right hands. You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth so help you God or whatever. I do. I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he prefers not

to hunt with firearms instead using sheer rhetorical power? I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman.

Claire and Brian, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your

favors. I had someone write in trying to correct my grammar on that the other day, not

appreciating that I am making a joke. I am making a joke because I don't even know the

correct way to say it. So I'm making it really wrong. For an immediate summary judgment

in one of your favors, can either you, Claire or you, Brian, name the piece of culture I was

...