Emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion can make boundaries extremely difficult to understand and implement.

The simple boundary of saying yes or no can become cloudy and confusing - so Anne brought her daughter Penny onto the podcast to share her simple philosophy on how to say no and when to say yes. Tune in to the podcast and read the full transcript below.
How & When to Say No
The general idea is this:
If it's unhealthy, harming me, or I don't want to do it AND it's arbitrary, I say no.

When someone asks me to do something that I don't want to do or isn't right for me, I'm like, I don't want to do it. So I'm like, "No, thank you."

Penny
General "No" Tips
If you'd like tips on saying no, try:

* Saying "no, thank you" politely like Penny.
* Choosing not to offer explanations or reasons for your "no".
* Communicating your "no" in writing so that you don't have to worry about experiencing trauma if it isn't received in a healthy way.

When Should I Say Yes?
Saying yes can be just as important as saying no. Just like "no," the basic idea is pretty simple but important:
I say yes when it's a healthy choice; I say yes to what I want when it is going to help and heal me.

You're Allowed to Change Your Mind
Sometimes we say yes when we meant no - or feel coerced or manipulated into saying yes.

Sometimes we say no, then later realize we would like to say yes.

You're allowed to change your mind!

You're allowed to make mistakes!
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
The reality of boundary-setting is that it's hard - but even more difficult for victims of psychological and emotional abuse. Please have compassion for yourself as you begin your journey - and consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. I have a really special guest on the podcast today. We're going to call her, because she wanted to be called Vanilla Pea after Vanellope from Wreck-it Ralph, we're going to call her Vanellope, or Penny for short, and she is my eight-year-old daughter. Welcome Penny.

Penny (03:33):
Hi. I want to teach you how to say, "No, thank you." So if someone that is abusive says do the dishes or do everything, then you could just say, no, thank you.
Saying, "No, Thank You"
Anne (03:55):
So Penny's a very good example. She started doing this on her own. Basically, if somebody asks her something that she doesn't want to do, she very politely and sweetly smiles and says, no.

Penny (04:10):
Thank you.

Anne (04:12):
And she says it a lot. Like I might say, Penny, go brush your teeth.

Penny (04:18):
And then I say, no, thank you.
"How do you feel when someone asks you to do something and you don't want to do it?
Anne (04:23):
How do you feel when someone asks you to do something and you don't want to do it? And then when you respond with the very polite, no thank you, how do you feel inside?

Penny (04:36):
When someone asks me to do it, I'm like, I don't want to do it. So I'm like, no, thank you.

Anne (04:43):
You seem very confident when you say it. If I'm like, penny, go brush your teeth and you look at me and you say, no thank you. It's hard for me to be like, wait a minute, you do need to brush your teeth silly.

Penny (04:55):
And then I actually do it.

Anne (04:58):
You do go brush your teeth.

Penny (04:59):
Yeah, or a chore, do the laundry. I say, no, thank you, but I actually do it.
"She's not afraid to say no"
Anne (05:06):