Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor F. Jessie Thorn. This week,

Grass Action Lawsuit. Daniel brings the case against his fiance, Bernadette. They cannot

decide what type of yard they'll have in their future home. Daniel would like a large

green lawn. Bernadette thinks that's too suburban and boring. She prefers a yard full of

gardens and flower beds with some paths built in. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one man

can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the court.

This ad hoc tribunal of the National Academy is now in session present in the Academy

residing on my right, Dr. Maximus Commissioner for Animal Affairs. On my left, Dr. Zeyes,

Minister of Science and Chief Defender of the Faith, appearing for the state, Baylor

F. Jessie Thorn. Oh, Baylor F. You had instructions to clean off the litigants. The rags they

are wearing give off a stench that is offensive to the dignity of this tribunal. Clean them

often, swear them in. Please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the

truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God or whatever? I do. I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that his own lawn

is composed exclusively of the original playing service of the Houston Astridome? Absolutely.

I do. Very well. Judge Hodgman. Daniel and Bernadette, you may be seated. For an immediate

summary judgment in one of your favors, can either of you name the piece of culture that

I referenced as I entered the courtroom, even though I said residing instead of presiding,

I still think you can get a guess in. Bernadette, you have been brought here against your will

by Daniel. So you get to guess first or make Daniel guess first, which shall it be?

Um, I will guess. Oh, hey, Bernadette. Let me just say right now before you even guess.

Okay. I think it's awesome that you're guessing first. Everyone always passes.

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