Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life

lessons and revelations. I believe in casual over clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated.

Okay, so I want to go deeper on this whole idea of attachment styles and how they impact our

relationships.

And for me, what really helps is listening to real stories, so it's not just information but

people sharing their real stories and being able to relate to them so I have my own

story and I'm definitely someone who came from an anxious attachment style and

today I'm bringing my girlfriend in here, Vanessa and she actually has more of an avoidance. so we are going to share our stories and I believe that this will

It'll help you because they're the real life stories and also we both happen to be therapist so Vanessa.

Hello. Thanks for joining me.

You're welcome. Okay. So in talking about attachment styles, first of all what's your definition and we're just going to get into

Avoidant and

Anxious because there are different varieties but I really like to simplify it and those are the two main styles that people fall into.

So I think love itself is attachment, right? It's a form of attachment and there's healthy attachment there's

unhealthy attachment so when it comes to avoidant and anxious how do you define those?

Well I think also it's first to, it's first important to understand that the idea of dependency

has been kind of bastardized in our culture and the idea of dependency is actually very normal

and healthy. I think you said, you know, a second ago, it's

either healthy or it's not, right? So is it clinging and attached or is it

dependent like you should be in a secure relationship? So I think they, you know, I'm not an attachment theory expert,

...