Funeral Arrangements with Jackie Schimmel

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.9 • 13.6K Ratings

🗓️ 16 December 2020

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews dear friend, host of The Bitch Bible Podcast and CYA next Tuesday companion, Jackie Schimmel. And trust and believe they are throwing everyone under the bus.

They have no time for your holiday sympathy but are fully expecting you to show up to their funerals looking FRESH AF! That and more!

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Produced by Dear Media.

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a dear media production.
0:06.6	Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most in the least at the same damn time.
0:12.4	I'm your host Heather McMahon.
0:18.6	Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast.
0:23.0	I'm your host Heather McMahon. Hope everybody's doing fantastic. Hope you're feeling
0:28.1	well. Want to kick things off on just a very happy holidays positive. No, by bringing in
0:34.0	the bitchiest bitch I know Jackie Shemmel. Hoss. Stage name Jackie Shemmel. Mary name Jackie Shemmel.
0:40.9	Hoss. I love her. She is one of my, I say dearest entertainment friends. You know, like a real bitch.
0:48.0	Like I trust her. She trusts me. We trust each other. I like her. It's no bullshit. Only giggles.
0:53.1	I'm excited to bring her on. We did a little holiday swap. I went on the bitch bible and she came
0:57.1	on mine. She came all over it. But literally the episode is just, just, just, just everywhere.
1:03.9	I want to get right into it. Let's cut to the chase. Let's get some giggles. I hope you were able
1:07.9	to maintain your sanity through the holiday. I love you. I miss you. I am ready to feel like we
1:14.0	can catch our breath literally and physically, metaphorically, spiritually, emotionally,
1:18.9	in 2021. But let's, let's get right into it. My girl, my boo. Please welcome to the studio Jackie Shemmel.
1:26.0	Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, the bitchiest, funniest, most bad ass Jewish chick I know.
1:34.1	Jackie Shemmel. Hoss, come on in. Hey girl. How are you doing? How are you doing?
1:41.0	Uh, just, just wonderful. Just couldn't be better. We are both in silk pajama. No, you have a
1:48.1	t-shirt on, but you have a very bougie robe. Like it looks push. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1:52.5	This was purchased 13 years ago at a raw stress for less in the central coast. It was 1199. It has
2:01.3	harbored so many deep, dark memories, so many bodily fluids, so much semen. It's got crunchy parts.
2:09.7	We don't know what it is. I don't know if it's chicken macata or semen. Yeah. And I just can't get
	...

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