Episode 500 - Dick on Chekov's Nuke

The Dick Show

Dick Masterson

Comedy

4.7 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 8 March 2026

⏱️ 163 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Iran fails to deliver a nuke, the hospital loses my kidney stone, birthdays for men, a domestic abuse vasectomy, DEI classes, twinks vs. sissies, fat women vs. rings, a human brain chip plays Doom, and more advice; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Coach Cake is in here going, what are the chances Sean is here?
0:04.0	Fucking zero, Coach Cake, you fucking negative piece of shit.
0:09.9	Put that shit in my head.
0:12.3	What an asshole, man.
0:14.1	I thought of asking Sean, and I'm like, I know me.
0:16.9	I bet Sean needs more time.
0:19.2	He needs another 500 episodes.
0:22.4	Maybe episode a thousand. I'll say, yo, man.
0:25.3	Oh, shit, I almost said the N-word, man.
0:27.7	I thought I thought I'd be getting a nuke for, I consider this like my birthday, 500 episodes,
0:33.6	like an actual birthday that I earned.
0:35.5	Man's birthday feels like, I always feel like shit, shameful,
0:39.2	celebrating my real birthday, but you have to because women around you celebrated.
0:43.4	Right.
0:43.5	So you have to like, you know, get shit that doesn't fit and act like Hillary Clinton with the balloon.
0:49.9	Oh!
0:51.4	You know, oh!
0:53.7	Another Leatherman! Now they're going to call me Inspector B. F-sler. Yeah. Oh, you know, oh, another leatherman.
0:55.5	Now they're going to call me Inspector F slur.
0:58.6	God, I wish I could say it.
1:02.0	Inspector, and you say it in your head, the F slur, right?
1:04.6	Do, do, do, do, do, do, do inspector.
	...

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