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The Dick Show

Episode 497 - Dick on SomaliaScan.com

The Dick Show

Dick Masterson

Comedy

4.71.3K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 156 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The creator of SomaliScan.com calls in, the Book of Mormon musical gets r*ped, Spencer Pratt runs for mayor of Los Angeles, Clavicular demonstrates "midmaxxing" for Peter Thiel, a "gun person" kills a bunch of kids, the Silence of the Lambs producers apologize, Israel declares war on the United States, no more SBA Loans for Indians, cheating at the Olympics, baby farming, and a pedophile owns school Picture Day; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Fuck yeah.

0:02.0

Oh, fart N.

0:04.0

Oh, fart N.

0:06.0

Me when I...

0:09.0

That poor woman, where's your million dollars?

0:12.0

Doesn't everyone, don't you get a million dollars if you're a little white lady saying N-word?

0:16.0

I thought that was the deal.

0:18.0

Me when I'm on my last one and fuck it up still.

0:21.6

Fart in? You got one. Everybody gets one. Then your life's over. Then you can say it as much as you want. Ah, so you want to say fart in, huh? You can say it when you're living in a van down by the river. What a piece of shit. Was that HGH television? If I go to my parents' house,

0:39.9

my dad's watching some shit, by the river. What a piece of shit. Was that HGH television?

0:39.3

If I go to my parents' house and my dad's watching

0:40.7

some shit on HGH television, I'm going to

0:43.2

smash his TV for supporting that

0:45.3

shit. For supporting the woke mob.

0:47.6

For supporting the woke mob.

0:49.7

I'm going to throw my son right through

0:51.2

the television set. Turn that shit

0:53.3

off. You turn that shit off, dad. We say fart. We say fart in. You better get a fart in out if you're going to watch that HD TV shit. They just fucking destroyed that poor woman. What the fuck? Who leaked that shit? Get his ass! You know what? As much as I... Put a fucking jihad on his ass, what? Well, because you know the Winnebago man clip where he's like trying to... They're trying to shoot the Winnebago. And he didn't drop any end bombs did he? He didn't. He didn't. But they compiled that clip. Well, no, they were trying to compile all those clips because they were trying to get him fired because they hated working with them. Wait, really? Yeah. That's why they did that? Yeah.

1:44.6

So they were trying to get him fired because they hated working with them so much. Wait, really? Yeah. That's why they did that? Yeah. So they were passing that tape in turn. Those dirty bastards? Right. So then when I see shit like this, I'm like, man, it's a tale as old as time. They just fucking... They just fucking hate that shit. Always looking for a reason to fucking... God damn you people. That's... This is golf! Oh, that makes my blood boil. I know, but that's what I'm saying... Almost as much as all the pedophile stuff I've read this week. Almost. They waited all this time. Or, you know, however many... Yeah, they've been waiting. Yeah. Ooh, we can't release it now. There's too much... Somebody already, a white person already called a black person then we're this week.

2:02.4

We got to wait.

2:03.4

We got to wait until the time is right. God damn it. Can Trump do something about that? Can Spencer Pratt do something about it? Is Spencer Pratt going to save Los Angeles? I don't know. Man, I got bad news. first of all, we get an amazing interview today

2:16.8

with the Somali scam.

...

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