Scientists in Brazil have discovered a new species of spider and named it after a Lord of the Rings character

Smeagle

They say they named it Smeagle because it's scary looking and lives in caves

I got two problems with this. Okay, one

Smeagle wasn't a scary creature that lived in a cave

Smeagle is a kind and friendly hobbit like creature who live in the banks of the Anduin the great river and enjoy spending time with his friends and his family

One day he was out

Fishing with his cousin Degal when Degal was dragged into the water with it by a great fish on his line and at the bottom of the river

He found the ring right there. He took it out of the river and when he opened his hand the dark power of the one true ring

Sees Smeagle's heart causing him to kill his own cousin and take the ring then Smeagle hid from his guilt and the yellow face of the sun

By retreating into a cave where his shame and his fear turned him into an unrecognizable creature

That creature wasn't Smeagle anymore. That creature was golem. You should have named the spider

Golem, okay, you don't discover like a venomous snake and name it Anakin. You name it Darth Vader

My second problem is you want to name a spider after a Lord of the Rings character?

I want to choose the character. That's a spider. She love the

Last offspring of ungoliant whose poison killed the two trees and who consumes light and vomit darkness, you know

Spiders

I must ask that small children leave good women have hurt their eyes and men take a stiff slug of circus whiskey

Behold the most hideous creature of old. I'm a miracle. I need a unicorn

I'm a f***ing meal in a haystack and you did some dumb hipster munching my head

Yeah, yeah

He thinks being a dungeon master get in the license to mess with our heads. This show really improves with age

...