I'm Brooke. I was dead last week.

I'm Johnny. I like the place between your head and your body.

I like your hair. It looks like wet popcorn.

Thank you.

Would you like to see the smile that I use when I pose for photographs?

Yes, please.

Do you want to see the face I make when I see a snake coming out of candy?

Yes.

That's good.

What's your favorite time of day?

No.

What's your favorite time of day?

A minute ago.

Their religious practice of growing natural long hair

was misunderstood as somehow being threatening.

You're cute, but selfish, and narcissistic to the point of near delusion.

Don't bully me. All right, I can't take it.

I was cyberbullied with an inch of my life last night.

If you need a kiss, so bad, why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us?

Don't you know your direction? It's real easy. West, right, backwards, yonder.

You didn't even see East. That's because the Earth face East, dumbass.

Wait a minute. I'm a reasonable guy, but I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.

...