Hey guys, my name is John Kim. I'm a licensed therapist and life coach putting

self-betterman into a shotglass because let's face it who's got that much time

these days. I come unpolished, unrehearsed, on purpose.

If you're looking for more of a wine glass, you've come to the wrong place.

Yes, on paper, relationships are 50-50 and the partnership should be equal.

Absolutely. That's on paper, but it can't be the mindset.

And I'll tell you why.

Because if you go into a relationship,

thinking that you will only meet your partner halfway,

there's going to be this pattern,

and maybe it'll start off very subtly and then it will grow the more you invest in the relationship and the more comfortable you're in a relationship where you will only do something if your partner does what he or she is supposed to do, right?

So it's like, I will meet you halfway and it will ripple into everything.

So maybe, you know, starting with chores, I will do this this and this but only if you do this and this right and I know that

Logistically that works and that's fair, but if that's the mindset then you're going to not do things unless your partner does something right so then the relationship

or the actions in the relationship become contingent right so? So, well, I, you know, I, I did the dishes and I did the laundry,

so then you need to do this, right?

Or I, I don't know, bought you dinner last week so this week you need to give me some

sexual favors or I did this you know wrote you the letter so now I deserve

something back it gets into this mindset of

taking it gets into this mindset of like I did like tit for tat right that kind of thing and relationships can go there over time when you're comfortable

The it could go there over time when the honeymoon phase has

Kind of faded and the relationship just becomes kind of this

...