Ep. 7: Are you keeping score?

The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

Natalie Lue

Emotionalunavailability, Health & Fitness, Emotionalintelligence, Emotionalbaggage, Lifeadvice, Mental Health, Happiness, Society & Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Selfesteem, Selfcare, Dating

4.9 • 867 Ratings

🗓️ 2 October 2015

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Natalie talks about why keeping score isn’t good for our relationships, why we need self-care practices and even a routine in order to survive and thrive, and how we often get annoyed and frustrated with others about stuff we ourselves are guilty of. She also tackles this week's listener question about whether men and women can be friends (this is after one made unwanted advances at the other) and shares what she learned after facing down her fear of confrontation with her family and told them that she wasn’t spending Christmas with them this year.

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Transcript

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0:16.0	This week I talk about how we often get annoyed and frustrated with others about stuff that we ourselves are guilty of and the lessons I learned from facing up to my fear of confrontation with my family when I told them that I wasn't going to be spending Christmas with them.
0:19.4	I'm Natalie Lou a writer based in Southeast London who is dedicated to helping people to improve their emotional and relationship literacy.
0:30.0	Let's kick this off.
0:34.0	Recently, Let's kick this off. Recently while I was in the car with my husband M we got into a discussion about stuff that goes on during the week.
0:43.0	Due to the fact that he works in London and I work from home,
0:47.0	when it comes to things like the school runs and the after-school stuff,
0:52.0	a lot of that falls within my remit and in my efforts to illustrate
0:57.6	what was going on in my week sort of juggling all of that plus work and other other things I ended up
1:05.2	giving the impression that I was keeping school so we sort of got into this sort of
1:09.7	lengthy discussion and then suddenly I realized how it was coming across and how it was
1:15.1	actually being picked up and I had to sort of correct myself so that I could you know sort of
1:21.9	give some clarity to what I was trying to impart and also to actually let him know that in no way was I actually
1:30.3	Is sort of feeling that I do so much more than him and that actually what he does do that I do appreciate it.
1:36.2	But it did get me thinking about keeping school.
1:39.9	Keeping school is when we we mentally record the things that we are doing and we have an expectation,
1:49.2	even if it is on a hidden level, that we should get something back of equal value in return.
1:57.0	Now relationships don't really work in that way per se in the sense of we can't really go around and going well I did this so that
2:08.5	earns 10 points and I did that so that's like 50 points.
2:13.0	It just doesn't work that way and yet as humans we can fall into the trap of getting very very focused on all of the things that we feel that we're being and doing.
2:22.0	And when we get too much into that zone, it can... all of the things that we feel that we're being and doing.
2:22.6	And when we get too much into that zone,
2:24.7	it can send a message to the other party
	...

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